What is Self and Self-Energy?
What is Self and Self-Energy?
In this solo episode of "Going Inside," I dive deep into the concept of Self and Self-energy in the context of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. While IFS often begins with discussions about our inner parts—like the perfectionist, the inner critic, or the inner child—I believe that the true heart of the model lies in understanding and accessing Self-energy. Whether you're familiar with IFS or new to the concept, this episode will help you connect with the innate wisdom and healing energy that exists within you.
Key Takeaways:
What is Self and Self-Energy?
Self and Self-energy in IFS refer to the innate wisdom and healing qualities within us
The 8 C’s
Curiosity, compassion, clarity, connectedness, creativity, courage, confidence, and calm—are essential qualities of Self-energy in IFS.
The 5 P’s
Patience, perspective, presence, playfulness, and persistence—enhance our ability to connect with and heal our inner parts.
The core of IFS
At its core, IFS is about cultivating love for ourselves and others, enabling deep healing and transformation.
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Transcript:
[00:00:00] John: People have everything that they need inside to heal, to genuinely self heal. Back
[00:00:10] John: to the show in this episode, I'm talking about what is self and self energy, according to the IFS definitions, and also some of my own definitions and experiences of self and self energy. I want to start by saying the more I do IFS and learn this model and use it, For my clients and in my own life, the more I think, well, whereas we often start to describe IFS by talking about parts like, Hey, we're all multiple.
[00:00:39] John: We have different parts. And someone says, I have like a perfectionist part or an inner critic, and we can get behind that pretty easily. And an inner child, most people can get behind that. That is absolutely a core part of the model. But I think what might be even more core to the model is this idea of self or [00:01:00] self energy.
[00:01:00] John: And I almost feel like the discussion about IFS should always start with self or self energy. So that's what this episode is about today. So According to Dick Schwartz and the IFS folks, what is self? Well, he's got two little lists that are pretty handy. And I often use to describe to self and self energy to clients, the eight C's and the five P's the eight C's are curiosity, compassion, clarity, connectedness, creativity, courage, confidence, and calm.
[00:01:41] John: The five P's are patience, perspective, presence, playfulness, and persistence. Now sell for being in self is a percentage, right? We have self and self can get temporarily eclipsed by parts or more than temporarily [00:02:00] chronically eclipsed by parts or what IFS calls getting blended with parts. So the goal of IFS generally is to unblend from parts, which kind of makes more room for self.
[00:02:10] John: Another way to look at it is access more self. And bring that to our parts that are hurting or pissed off or scared or whatever. So thinking about those eight C's for a second, I have to say right off the bat, my two favorites by far are curiosity and compassion. Really compassion is the big one for me.
[00:02:30] John: I think the whole model is essentially compassion. And whereas we might think, well, self compassion is kind of tossed around a lot, whether it's in therapy or your yoga class or whatever. And it's a really good idea. Like don't be so hard on yourself. And yet something about that can feel really difficult and almost out of reach.
[00:02:49] John: But what about if you think that. That the fact that you have a part of you that's hurting, that is a part of you, but not all of you. And that part of you is often [00:03:00] young and stuck and frozen back in time when it got burdened or yelled at as a kid or neglected or got a C on its report card. And mom just didn't talk to you the rest of the night or whatever it is.
[00:03:14] John: Burdens of all shapes and sizes and degrees. So what if you bring compassion from self, which is truly who you are? To that part that needs it, right? So in a way, we're kind of training you to reparent your parts to reparent your inner child or your inner children So then I think well, I don't have to fully kind of love myself or just go from What for some people feels like hating myself to loving myself that feels like way too big of a leap I can go from having a lot of hatred inside to And intention and hostility or an IFS where it's polarization too.
[00:03:51] John: What if I can just get compassionate to that critical part of me that says you suck or you're not good enough, no one loves you, you're ugly. [00:04:00] What if I can get curious about that part and compassionate about that part and go, Hey, part, what are you trying to do for me by saying you suck? And the part says, well, I'm just trying to help you be better.
[00:04:10] John: So all parts have good intention. They play an important role in your system, but they often are burdened and operating out of an old historical context. If you've watched the movie Inside Out, the first one or the second one, both are incredible. These are amazing depictions of IFS, especially the second one, right?
[00:04:27] John: All of these parts, these little sub personalities inside of you that kind of also represent emotions. They they all have good intent for the system. They really, really want the system. Right. They want the person to thrive and be okay. The same is held true in IFS compassion is key, right? So if I can show my clients how to have compassion for their parts and teach them how to do the same.
[00:04:50] John: The same thing, the healing really takes off, the healing really starts and the model really honors that people have everything that they need inside to heal, [00:05:00] to genuinely self heal the same way that your body can self heal when you get a cut, the healing wisdom is already inside of your body, same thing for the psyche.
[00:05:09] John: This is a huge discovery. Most models in therapy don't honor this. A lot of models say like psychodynamic model is, well, people have faulty templates from early relationships and they play those out in life. And that's where all their suffering comes from. They need a really Epic therapist to come play those out on.
[00:05:27] John: And then the therapist can do some Epic intervention with that and create a corrective emotional experience for the client. In this case, the corrective emotional experience comes from self to the part. Curiosity is my other favorite C. When in doubt, when I'm doing IFS, I'm trying to help my clients get curious and access curiosity.
[00:05:47] John: If you can find a little bit inside, can you double it? Can you triple it? Right? Can you let that feeling develop inside of you and then send it to parts that are hurting or pissed off or parts that like to drink or whatever it is [00:06:00] without jumping to. Judgment. I'm annoyed. Why are you doing this? Can you, can you access curiosity and be in curiosity and send that to parts that need it?
[00:06:08] John: Right? So the eight C's are a great start to talk talking about self and self energy. The five P's. These are also wonderful. Um, going back to the eight C's for a second, courage, I have to say it's probably my third favorite, right? Especially as a trauma therapist, when we're doing this trauma work and going back in time into parts that are really stuck and really frozen and really hurt or really exiled.
[00:06:31] John: We have to have a lot of courage that we can come in and that our self energy is enough. Sometimes when the client's self energy is limited, the therapist can, can, can lend their self energy to the client. And the therapist really has to stay connected to their curiosity, compassion, and courage, especially because as your therapist, we don't always know where this is going or if things are going to get worse before they get better, right?
[00:06:54] John: Or if you're going to still feel suicidal for a while, this is, this is the way of. Of healing, right? But we're [00:07:00] really trying to connect you to your own goodness inside. Five P's are also wonderful. I love this idea of playfulness, right? And we think about children. Think about my own child who is just naturally playful and creative and curious, and her self energy is just very evident, right?
[00:07:17] John: Also her little brain is very unregulated. And so you have the extreme emotions and this and the tantrums. Yes, that all exists. But. At her core, that self energy is literally like the qualities she was born with and that we were all born with, I think would be remiss if we didn't expand our definition of self energy or self essence, right?
[00:07:41] John: Whether you're comfortable with it or not, I think IFS really is a psycho spiritual model. I also think we're in a spiritual crisis as a world, as a country, as a universe, and now more than ever we need to, you know,[00:08:00]
[00:08:01] John: I also think trauma affects you spiritually on a spiritual and on a soul level. And therefore the healing needs to involve the spirit and the soul. And IFS really, really does that. So what are other ways to look at self energy? One way to look at it is like chi, right? Or if we think about these Eastern traditions, even things like Reiki, which is something that I've, Got training and to kind of help supplement my therapy work and my understanding of like, what is this energy we're trying to grasp and cultivate and use in therapy and she, or kind of your life, energy, energy that is all around us, that the universe is made of that is inside of us is the energy that we are trying to channel and access and use to heal.
[00:08:45] John: It's a pure, loving, benevolent, healing energy that is in, All living things, it's in nature, it's in water, et cetera. Self energy or self essence is also could be like the God image in you. So depending on your religious [00:09:00] background, whether you're Christian or Buddhist or Muslim could be the God image inside of you, right.
[00:09:06] John: Or the Holy spirit, you could think of it that way. So you're inviting in a way God or the Holy Spirit to help heal you and parts of you that are hurting This really helps for some people. I think self energy is a fundamentally like connecting to your wisdom right or your inner wisdom and Self really is the wise self true self energy knows exactly what to do Self is exactly who we are and that's the really good news.
[00:09:31] John: People are often really relieved to hear that I think self or self energy is also kind of heart energy. If you think about the chakra system again, branching to Eastern ideas here. If you think about this kind of heart energy or this heart chakra where love emanates and develops, then you could think of it that way.
[00:09:52] John: So we're bringing heart energy to our parts, right? The parts that need it, parts that are hurting. The other way I think [00:10:00] about self is kind of like your soul, like your soul and your, your, your essence is what we're accessing here. And finally, I think if I could sum up the entire model and this risks getting totally cliche or a little bit cliche is like the model is really about love.
[00:10:16] John: Love is everything. Love is inside of us. Love is what we all need and want and crave. Love is inevitably. Healing and undeniably healing. And if we can access love for parts of us and for other people's parts, then think about how much better the world would be. Violence, political disputes tension in the world war could literally be all solved in a way by love.
[00:10:47] John: And how can we help people access more love through healing, through IFS, through telling them you're actually good. If you have a drinking part, you're not just, you're not an alcoholic, right? You have a part that likes to drink and we can start there by not [00:11:00] pathologizing people. And so the more I do this again, the more I realize like this model literally is love.
[00:11:06] John: And yet Dick Schwartz has done an amazing job of bringing this psycho spiritual model and this model that is love into the psychological realm. Model that we, that we live in and that I work in as a licensed, you know, psychotherapist and working in the medical model essentially. So I think he knows, even if he doesn't say it explicitly, like this is the best opportunity he has to take a really beautiful, you know, Spiritual model and bring it into the medical model.
[00:11:33] John: So that's also why I think IFS is catching on like wildfire right now. And more and more people just love the model. They love doing it. They love receiving it. They love just using it as a worldview, as a way of walking through life, right? Someone annoys you, think about them in parts. They have a part that is demanding or loud or shut down and that activates a part in you.
[00:11:54] John: Can you bring compassion to your part and to theirs? If we can do both. Think about how much differently [00:12:00] life can go. I hope you enjoyed this short episode. These are some thoughts I've had lately in my work and then with my clients and my personal work and in the therapist that I've been teaching the model to.
[00:12:12] John: Yeah, I hope you enjoyed this as always do all the things like subscribe, share an episode, share your favorite episode with a friend or two that really helps me grow the show. And if you want to be a guest on the show, I'm actually looking for more guests, more people who are in the realm of trauma, IFS, EMDR, somatic work, spirituality psychedelics and plant medicine all, all these things.
[00:12:34] John: I want to hear from you. So just john@johnclarketherapy. com. That's Clarke with an E. If you're interested in being a guest, just reach out to me, drop me a couple lines about who you are and what you'd want to talk about, and I'll send you a link to, to come and be a guest. So we really need guests right now to keep the show going and to keep growing it.
[00:12:51] John: So shoot me an email john@johnclarketherapy.com. And thanks again for being here. Take care.
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