IFS Podcasters Roundtable: Insights into Internal Family Systems
IFS Podcasters Roundtable: Insights into Internal Family Systems
In this episode of Going Inside: Healing Trauma From The Inside Out, David Polidi leads a roundtable discussion of IFS podcasters–Tammy Sollenberger, Natalie Deering, Tim Fortescue, and myself, John Clarke. We explore the internal conflicts and polarizations that arise during creative projects like starting a podcast, how trauma disconnects us from our authentic selves, and the role of Internal Family Systems Therapy in reconnecting with self-energy. Together, they share personal insights on finding clarity, overcoming fears, and deepening self-awareness through IFS.
Key Takeaways:
Balancing Internal Polarities:
We explore how internal conflicts, such as fear and ambition, can delay meaningful actions. Using IFS, we’ve learned to harmonize these parts to make authentic decisions.
Spiritual Healing and Trauma:
I explain that addressing trauma involves both physical and spiritual healing. IFS provides a pathway to reconnect with one's spirituality and heal from past traumas.
IFS for Self-Connection:
Tammy Sollenberger discusses how IFS aids in reconnecting with one's core self, facilitating deeper self-awareness and healing from trauma.
Follow David Polidi at https://www.instagram.com/empowered.through.compassion/
Follow Natalie Deering at https://www.instagram.com/nataliedeering/
Follow Tammy Sollenberger at https://www.instagram.com/ifs.tammy/
Follow Tim Fortescue at https://www.instagram.com/ifscoachtimfortescue/
Use code: JOHN for a 1 month grace period with Jane or click the link below:
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Transcript:
[00:00:00] John Clarke: Hey everyone, just wanted to give you a quick little insight about what you are about to see or listen to. I was part of an IFS Podcasters Roundtable recently hosted by David Polidi and alongside Tammy Sollenberger, Tim Fortescue, and Natalie Deering. And in this round table Tim leads us off with an IFS meditation that I think you really like.
[00:00:23] John Clarke: And then we each share kind of our favorite nuggets about IFS, about the model, the community, about IFS and its connection to spirituality. I share a bit about self and self energy. And it's a really enriching conversation, so I thought you all might enjoy it. We might do more of these soon, so stay tuned and let me know how you like it.
[00:00:44] John Clarke: Thanks. And I hope you enjoy it.
[00:00:51] John Clarke: Before we dive into today's episode, I want to introduce you to our sponsor for today, Jane, a clinic management software and EMR that helps you handle [00:01:00] your clinic's daily admin tasks so you can free up your evenings and weekends. The Jane team understands how precious your time is and recognizes that charting can often be the most time consuming task for practitioners.
[00:01:11] John Clarke: That's why they're here to help. To save you from having to start your chart notes from scratch, you can check out Jane's template library, which gives you access to templates that have been generously created and shared by health and wellness practitioners in the community. Once you have a template you like, you can choose to customize it further with charting tools, such as range scales, text fields, checkboxes, and more.
[00:01:32] John Clarke: To see how Jane can help you spend more time doing what you love, head to the link in the show notes to book a personalized demo, or if you're ready to get started, you can use the code John at the time of signup for a one month grace period applied to your new account, let's dive in.
[00:01:49] David Polidi: Welcome everybody.
[00:01:50] David Polidi: It's, it's so nice to have you here. I'm, I'm really excited. We got some wonderful podcasters with us today. And [00:02:00] so I want to just really quickly just shout out to a couple of people here that I just, I'm, I'm really grateful to I want to sound out to 90 Marie. Who, if you haven't seen her parts work directory, check it out.
[00:02:16] David Polidi: It's really amazing. It's www. artworkdirectory. com and she's been doing a lot of wonderful work for our community. And so I really appreciate her work. And then also behind the scenes, Haley Wilson and she has been helping out a lot through this whole. Process. And if you have a chance to check her work out she is at BOCO advertising, B O C O advertising.
[00:02:49] David Polidi: com. And she has been phenomenal with anybody who needs help with a website or organizing things like this. So those are my two shout outs. And I have a story [00:03:00] here I wanted to share. I. Wanted to take us back to 2019 and there's this wonderful marriage family therapist. She's the author of the one inside and she said, you know what, I'm going to do a podcast.
[00:03:16] David Polidi: And on April, 2019, she started. She kicked off the one inside an internal family systems podcast. And and now we're 170 episodes later for two years, Tim Fortescue. He said, you know what? I need some way to re engage socially after the pandemic. And so he did his first one. And He provided us with many great meditations over the years and he's hitting over 140 episodes.
[00:03:50] David Polidi: So I, I was thinking about this last night, but just with them, with those two podcasts, we're now, if my math is correct, over 310 [00:04:00] episodes. And then, all right, we fast forward to 2023. Two podcasts came out that year. Natalie Deering started that wellness podcast with Natalie Deering, internal family systems with a twist.
[00:04:18] David Polidi: And then one month later at Tammy on her podcast. And then in November I started empowered through compassion and three months later had Tammy as a guest. And and then in February 2024, John Clarke published his second podcast show. So he already had a successful one, said, you know what, I'm going to dive into IFS.
[00:04:41] David Polidi: And he started going inside healing trauma from, from the inside out and had Catherine Christine Dixon as his first guest. And Christine shared her love for the model as well as for the enneagram. So kind of trace that right back to Tammy as well. [00:05:00] I feel before I say that, I feel like we are all connected, all of us.
[00:05:07] David Polidi: And and, and what was amazing to me was when you take all of our podcasts, put them all together. We have nearly almost five. 100 episodes. That's a lot of guests and a lot of people listening to us. So my other shout out that I want to do is for all the people here. Who are, who are listening, who have been listening to our podcasts, you know, we are all really, really grateful for you.
[00:05:35] David Polidi: And we feel you that, you know, when we're talking to somebody, we could sense like, all right, there's a listener here that's listening into what we're saying. And that really means a lot. So thank you for being here. We definitely want to have. interaction today in, in this live stream with you. We have some fun things to speak about coming up.
[00:05:56] David Polidi: Before I get into the fun things, what I [00:06:00] want to do also show you this, my wife made this. She made this piece of art, which says be kind to all of your parts. And what we're going to do is at the end, I have a fun way where we could raffle this off. And so I want, if everybody. To just write down your name and where you're from where you are in the world and put it into chat.
[00:06:27] David Polidi: So if you see on the bottom, it says chat. If you click that, you should be able to type in your name and where you're from. And then I'm going to use that list, randomly pick somebody from that list. And you'll win this. So good luck. Good luck to win that. And let me see. Let me see where people are from.[00:07:00]
[00:07:02] David Polidi: All right. We have somebody from Ohio, Maryland, Western Mass, Wisconsin,
[00:07:14] David Polidi: Los Angeles, Maine, Oregon, Texas, California, Massachusetts, Illinois, Ireland. Yay. I mean that for everybody. Yay for all the states. I'm happy, but I'm happy somewhere, you know, far away. Sudbury, Cleveland, Beverly, UK. Wow. Virginia. Another one from Ohio. So much fun to see how people who come to these are really, you know, With zoom, we're able to reach out and have all these people here.
[00:07:49] David Polidi: So welcome, welcome. And I'm going to use this for, for the, the drawing at the end. All right. So [00:08:00] let's begin my agenda here. So what I'd like to do first. is to get into the mood of this conversation. And that really amazing conversation is to do a meditation. And so who else that do this, but but I'm very own Tim master of meditation.
[00:08:19] David Polidi: What I want to do, I just want to offer to everybody out there. This is an invitation, an invitation to begin. We, a lot of times we begin IFS classes. with a meditation. So don't feel like you have to do this. I think this is more an offering to you. If you want to take out a piece of paper and write or draw or do whatever you want as you're listening to Tim.
[00:08:44] David Polidi: And if you want to really go through all of it, It's really, you know, more just we invite you if it feels right for your body. And with that, Tim, I'm going to turn over the mic to you for meditation.
[00:08:59] Tim Fortescue: All [00:09:00] right. Well, thanks, David. Yeah. Let's just pause. For a bit. I mean, often I have clients and others that are surprised.
[00:09:08] Tim Fortescue: Like I feel a tightness in my chest right now. I have, our parts are there and interact with interacting with them and knowing they're beautiful, doing the best they can is what this is about. And so let's just pause for just a few minutes and settle in,
[00:09:31] Tim Fortescue: notice your Internal world, those parts, thoughts, feelings, actions. Impulses, beliefs, it's coming up in your mind, it's likely a part,
[00:09:56] Tim Fortescue: just just notice those [00:10:00] parts, internal family, just gathering around, whatever works best for you.
[00:10:10] Tim Fortescue: Some may want to be close, some may want to keep their distance, be a little less trustful, and they're all welcome.
[00:10:32] Tim Fortescue: And then as you're noticing the parts, just see if there's one that. May be able to use a little attention right now, or maybe it's a group of parts. Or maybe you're curious and want to pick a part. See, see how that works.
[00:10:55] Tim Fortescue: Just allow a part to [00:11:00] have some attention
[00:11:06] Tim Fortescue: and let those that are gathered around, and some may come in late, and let them know they can witness too, and that they can all have a chance in the future. At another time, but we can, we can get to know our parts better. If we spend some individual time with, with each one, and we're going to work with this, this part, or spend some time with this part that's here right now, today,
[00:11:38] Tim Fortescue: just thank them for their willingness to soften back and witness. Turn back toward the part that you're going to give some attention today.
[00:11:57] Tim Fortescue: How's it doing with that attention? Does it [00:12:00] have anything to share?
[00:12:14] Tim Fortescue: Check in and see how you're feeling toward it. And how do you know that it's present? Maybe it's a tightness in the chest. Like I often feel with, with my parts that may have some anxiety. Just notice that part and then see how you're feeling toward it. And if it's something that. is other than the lines of curiosity, compassion.
[00:12:43] Tim Fortescue: It's likely another part.
[00:12:49] Tim Fortescue: Just see if that part could give some space knowing that it can have a chance in the future now, but for now we're going to get to know this part that's here.[00:13:00]
[00:13:02] Tim Fortescue: So tune back in to the part you're giving attention to and see if you can extend it just a drop of curiosity or compassion.
[00:13:16] Tim Fortescue: Just let it know that you're here
[00:13:22] Tim Fortescue: and it may be a little hesitant. because it may have been a while.
[00:13:30] Tim Fortescue: We're just going to ask a couple questions and be curious, and then we'll wrap up. But
[00:13:38] Tim Fortescue: check in and see if the part knows who you are, how old's the part.
[00:13:52] Tim Fortescue: Often our parts are younger and they're surprised that we're who we are today and I don't have to buy into all of it. It's [00:14:00] just maybe the beginning of building some trust
[00:14:25] Tim Fortescue: and just be in notice. Does this part have an intention for you or a job?
[00:14:45] Tim Fortescue: If it gives you some insight into that, it's. Likely an indicator of that younger more vulnerable part that we call exiles that it may be Protecting and we're not gonna go there today, but [00:15:00] let it know that there's hope there's healing It's not alone
[00:15:17] Tim Fortescue: and let this part know that has your attention now that we're about to wrap up But see if there's anything else
[00:15:38] Tim Fortescue: Thank it for its courage for as much or as little as it shared. It's doing the best that it can and you need it, but it's got a team here.
[00:15:55] Tim Fortescue: Thank it for its courage and see if it could just soften back [00:16:00] into those parts that are witnessing.
[00:16:08] Tim Fortescue: Just look around at each part,
[00:16:13] Tim Fortescue: send them some gratitude for their courage. You know, my part that gets some tightness just really wants me to Look my best. It's feeling softer now and just thinking it for all that it does for me
[00:16:33] Tim Fortescue: and just Yes, and some gratitude and thanks for all of your parts for their courage to soften back and witness, remind them that they can, they can have some of your time to in the future, maybe let them know when,
[00:16:55] Tim Fortescue: then when it feels right, you can just bring your attention back [00:17:00] to the present moment where you are, can open your eyes if they were closed, and will continue for their time here. Thanks so much for your trust and courage.
[00:17:18] David Polidi: Thank you, Tim. That lovely meditation. All right. This is what I think would be really cool for this time here. I want to open up to questions where people could write in any questions they have to us. And before we get to them. So feel free, you know, throughout this discussion. If you have something that you feel would be helpful, write it in.
[00:17:46] David Polidi: And before I actually look at that, I have one question for all of us. And I was thinking we could go around, we could answer it and have a discussion from that. My question is, [00:18:00] we just Saw a meditation on IFS and IFS is something all of us love and talk about and dive into on our podcasts. So I'm wondering, what are the gold nuggets for you with IFS?
[00:18:19] David Polidi: What do you find? Are there's gold nuggets that you take in, you use in your life, you share with others? And I think maybe we should start, I'll start with Tammy, you know, to to see how you've been impacted and what are those gold nuggets for you?
[00:18:40] Tammy Sollenberger: Great. Thanks David. And thanks Tim. You know, I'm going to share just what came up for me during that meditation because that was really powerful and I think is a golden nugget. So Just the idea of unblending because what I was experiencing is I was experiencing something But I didn't really know what [00:19:00] it was until Tim led us in this meditation And then I was able to really separate out all the different parts I was feeling and then once I did that I realized This part over here is actually the one that needed the most attention from me and it was causing me the most concern and my whole system, my whole body relaxed and softened.
[00:19:24] Tammy Sollenberger: My face softened, my whole body softened with a little bit of a headache that went away by just this peeling of the onion, the unblending just by that meditation helped me to, Oh, I didn't even realize this part was here. I didn't realize this part was upset about something. Oh, okay. Well, that makes a lot of sense.
[00:19:43] Tammy Sollenberger: And okay. I can turn towards it with curiosity and compassion. And then it just has this huge impact, right? Just from that, what was that? Five minutes of just this? Oh, okay. Did even know that was happening. So. I mean, I think that's, I mean, that's probably a [00:20:00] common golden nugget. I know there's a trainer that says we just sort of go to work and unblend all day.
[00:20:05] Tammy Sollenberger: And I feel that way. I do that with my clients. And sometimes when I sort of get lost and like, what am I doing? You know, what am I doing? It's like, Oh, actually I'm just unblending, right? I'm just helping them unblend. And as I am unblending from my parts, right. I'm unblending all day long. I am unblending and wear parts and I'm helping my clients unblend.
[00:20:23] Tammy Sollenberger: So Tim, thank you for that. It's really helpful for me personally, so thanks.
[00:20:28] David Polidi: I want to just comment on that for a minute, but thank you Tammy for, for saying that. I, I feel like I, I was all excited to go to IFIO. And then when I went, basically they're like, all right, this is the heart of IFIO. I'm like, what, what is the secret?
[00:20:46] David Polidi: And IFIO is IFS plus couples work. So it's a way to combine the two of them. And, and guess what the magic secret was for that? It's all about unblending. [00:21:00] And I'm like, oh man, this is, this is the heart of everything. And, and how I understand it is, you know, a lot of models do things and, you know, maybe in dbt, they would call it emotional regulation.
[00:21:13] David Polidi: But it really is this like process where I think IFS is conceived in this beautiful way and it's like calming ourselves and allowing all of us to feel, you know, all of the parts inside of us to feel really heard and seen and not have to be agitated.
[00:21:31] Tammy Sollenberger: Yeah, yeah, I would just add what IFS, we know that's what IFS brings that dbt doesn't bring is that wise mind actually is self.
[00:21:42] Tammy Sollenberger: And if wise mind and dbt can connect to the parts that are dysregulated, like what, what, how much more healing happens. if there was a relationship between wise mind and emotional regulation, right? Like there, there's a relationship there that IFS, that's what we're bringing to the table at dbt. I think is [00:22:00] missing.
[00:22:02] Tammy Sollenberger: I can say that.
[00:22:03] David Polidi: Yeah. You know, that's beautiful. All right. I'm going to turn to somebody else or if anybody else wants to, I'm, I'm thinking like, John, what do you think about all of this?
[00:22:16] John Clarke: Yeah. Tim, thank you for the meditation. I guess what I would say with David's question the thing I am most wrapped up in right now in IFS is stealth and this idea that for people who are hurting and looking for healing, IFS offers this opportunity that what if there was no more frantic searching for a person, an expert, answers, tips some new technique that might finally fix me.
[00:22:52] John Clarke: IFS offers that number one, you don't need fixing after all. And what if everything you needed was actually inside? [00:23:00] And our role as practitioners is helping people access what's already there. What a relief for practitioners to not have to be this person with answers or sage wisdom or tips or having to be the attachment figure for 17 clients a week or whatever it might be.
[00:23:18] John Clarke: All of these old ways of working for me as a therapist for 15 years eventually led me to hitting a brick wall and burning out completely having to be that person for 17 people a week. And so IFS offered me a new way of Approaching healing, a new way of walking through the world and seeing people as parts and that their core is actually stealth and good and pure.
[00:23:47] John Clarke: And the last thing I'll say is an invitation for everyone here is self or self energy is literally whatever you perceive it to be. And so I see a lot of what IFS has brought to us [00:24:00] is a very well built. Set of ideas and a model, a very whole model, but also a starting point for for the work to continue and the ideas to continue.
[00:24:11] John Clarke: So whatever you perceive self or self energy to be is is your definition and experience of it. And you should honor that and and work with that and foster that there's no wrong way to get there to access this. So yeah, I'll stop there. Thanks, David.
[00:24:27] David Polidi: It's beautiful. And I'll say to that. I think that self energy is such this beautiful thing inside of us where in your podcast, you've been doing some work now where you're actually showing some of the work that you're doing with other people.
[00:24:46] David Polidi: And. You know, there's disclaimers like don't just watch this and do it yourself, but it gives us a real chance to observe it, to sit in it, to feel it. And one thing I love, you took my answer, so I won't answer the question, but I was thinking self [00:25:00] energy too. But from the angle of when you're in self energy, it inspires self energy from somebody else and self energy.
[00:25:08] David Polidi: We get self energy parts to get parts. And so it's just, I've been playing around a lot with just how we don't really need to do anything except really know ourselves enough to sit in that self energy, to allow that self energy to come out of whoever we're sitting with.
[00:25:29] David Polidi: Thank you. All right, Natalie, what is your golden nugget?
[00:25:37] Natalie Deering: Yeah, so I'm excited to be here. Number one, thank you to David and Tim for the meditation and Tammy and John and everyone here. It's exciting to be here. So yesterday evening, I was looking at that question of what are the golden nuggets or golden nugget?
[00:25:56] Natalie Deering: And I started just writing. [00:26:00] And the first one that I wrote on this list, and I'm only going to share this first one, is gratitude. And I was kind of sitting with that and I was like, parts of me were like, man, I don't think I'm going to share that one. It doesn't really seem there were parts of judging that.
[00:26:19] Natalie Deering: But as I've been sitting here, that's just kind of been marinating for me. And I'm like, no, it's true. Like gratitude is something that I really feel is a golden nugget when it comes to parts work and self energy access. You know, I, I'm really big on doing a gratitude practice at night before I go to bed.
[00:26:41] Natalie Deering: That's something I've been doing for years and as I started to understand Hart's work in IFS, I, I really just started to understand what gratitude is doing in my opinion, which is, I feel like it's helping us unblend [00:27:00] and access self energy so that, you know, when I am reflecting on my day and I use the GLAD practice, G L A D, so I name like one thing that I'm grateful for that day.
[00:27:15] Natalie Deering: One thing that I learned one thing that I accomplished and one delight that I felt from that day and as I do that every night I can just like feel my system within getting space shifting, you know, being able to feel like I'm able to access self energy in a way that then I'm able to bring awareness to maybe if there are parts present from the day.
[00:27:47] Natalie Deering: That were activated with concerns or whatever it might be and gratitude. I just I feel like it's so powerful and shifting us into accessing [00:28:00] more of that self energy within us. So gratitude gratitude is mine
[00:28:09] David Polidi: really beautiful.
[00:28:14] David Polidi: I don't know if this is connected or not, but but you talking about gratitude made me feel inside like just how grateful I am and and just how much I love being here in this moment right now with you guys. Thank you. That's that's really powerful. Thank you.
[00:28:30] Natalie Deering: Yeah. Thank you.
[00:28:34] David Polidi: All right, Tim. What is your gold nugget?
[00:28:38] Tim Fortescue: Well, I was just thinking it came to mind the Inside Out 2 movie that can drive a practitioner crazy. I need to go back and watch it and enjoy it. But, I, the idea of self and what was beautiful in that movie, for me, I feel like we're always looking for self. Or, like, we're, and the beauty of that movie was, I mean, [00:29:00] the self is in the parts and vice versa.
[00:29:02] Tim Fortescue: But when they They were all just like hugging it or something. And so when they came out of those extreme roles to more a balanced part and the self wasn't this, I, whatever this thing that was thrown. Back in the movie, but the self was just the realization, like here we are at our best and just offering so much compassion and the parts just bonding together around that object crying.
[00:29:30] Tim Fortescue: And I'm like, wow, that's a beautiful example. We're always looking for self, but it's chaotic. And just having that conversation with our parts, it keeps them aware that they're on a team. But sometimes if we stop looking so hard and just feel and accept there are parts of me that still doubt that it's going to come together or work out and don't trust that.
[00:29:51] Tim Fortescue: But it's kind of where the gold nugget is for me.
[00:29:55] David Polidi: All right, so this is what I have to say to you, Tim. Oh, no, [00:30:00] you didn't. Oh, no. Oh, no. Now you brought up Inside Out 2. Tammy said something that, that was just really powerful, but, and I, I have to watch the movie again, but about how when they did like hug it out and, and that self was so present, there was like little pixie, there was like little, like, Glitter or something in that scene and I gotta go back to Natalie on this one.
[00:30:24] David Polidi: I, I feel like, and this is a new, you know, thinking on my part, but it's almost like that movie helps us remember that all the parts have self energy inside of them. And the moment they're able to appreciate one another, they're drawn together and, and there is self energy.
[00:30:53] David Polidi: All right, so I'm going to just ask questions or if anybody wants to jump in, anybody wants to say anything, feel [00:31:00] free. But no, I love all of your, I love all of your nuggets, gold nuggets. See, this is for the audience, the stuff that I edit out when I'm like so, but Natalie, I want to turn to you.
[00:31:10] David Polidi: If you want, no pressure. I'm curious what the others on the list was.
[00:31:16] Natalie Deering: Oh, so I'm not going to read all of them because I had a list of 12, but the other one that I did really resonate with that stood out to me was using external resourcing in order to connect with self energy access and parts, which I think is important because I know there's debate And the IFS community about external resourcing.
[00:31:41] Natalie Deering: But in my opinion, I feel like if we can utilize things like breathing and meditation the use of our senses, connection with nature, pets, other people, you know, that those are things that can be a guide in terms of helping us feel [00:32:00] more access to self energy, which I think is An important thing to keep in mind and to have awareness of in terms of what are your resources.
[00:32:11] Natalie Deering: And your life for self energy and parts and parts connection and awareness. Oh,
[00:32:17] David Polidi: no, you didn't. Oh, no, you didn't. I love this. All right. So I'm going to go back to Tam to Tammy here, who just published or republished her episode with Joanne Twombly, who you and I love, you know, she's the rebel, right?
[00:32:32] David Polidi: But yeah. She is so amazing. And so, but she would say that she would say, like, she would probably say to you, like, Natalie, absolutely. You know, resource doesn't have to be this dirty word in IFS circles that we could totally appreciate the necessity of resourcing, which EMDR does. and still value and everything that the parts have to say.
[00:32:58] David Polidi: Resourcing doesn't [00:33:00] have to railroad over parts. And the way that you put it, I think exactly kind of exemplifies what Joanne is saying in that.
[00:33:11] Natalie Deering: Yeah, I agree. Sorry, Natalie. No, go ahead. Yeah, because we, we've all, I've interviewed Joanne and it's definitely something that is yeah, that was a big takeaway for me as well.
[00:33:23] Natalie Deering: But yeah, Tammy, I'd love to hear your thoughts too.
[00:33:26] Tammy Sollenberger: I think we just think of it practically. Right. If we just sort of what happens to all of us in our lives, right? Like if I go for a walk, I might have lots of chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, but then eventually I'm in the woods. I'm, I'm smelling the air.
[00:33:39] Tammy Sollenberger: My parts can still be there, but there is some softening that happens. I mean, maybe it takes an hour, but something does happen when I'm in the woods or when I'm on my paddle board, or like there, there are places I know I can be that my parts will settle down, the will soften back. And that there is just more of me there, right?
[00:33:59] Tammy Sollenberger: There's more of [00:34:00] me. So think about that, just sort of practically, where do people just feel more of you? Where do you feel more of you? And it's okay to practice being in those places. That's not you know, pushing away parts. It's, it's really just sort of like, here's a place that can feel more of me.
[00:34:17] Natalie Deering: Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And that's how I've been really looking at all of that, right? It's that it's not, it is noticing though, right? If a part is trying to push away other parts in the use of maybe some of those things and to bring awareness to that and to get to know that. But yeah, I feel like we can utilize those things like walks and nature and all of these things that are there as ways to help us.
[00:34:43] Natalie Deering: And I think it's really important to have more access to self energy to then be able to turn towards the parts with more of that curiosity, openness. So interesting what you're saying, because maybe I'm being a
[00:34:55] David Polidi: little bit extreme here.[00:35:00]
[00:35:00] David Polidi: But I feel like when we look at things, anything could be weaponized, you know? And, and, and even like something like resourcing, yeah, a part could weaponize it against another part and that's not okay. But if we're using it and giving permission, like, I think that's a key, right? Like somebody was helping me see this earlier today, but like when you do a meditation, allowing somebody to see like, you know what?
[00:35:26] David Polidi: Here's a suggestion. Here's an invitation. I'm not saying close your eyes, breathe deeply, do this, do that. It's more like if you want to, if it feels right for you, I'm, I'm giving you some space and you could look at your own self and say, is this what I would choose to do? And if so, then, then great. And if not, that's great too.
[00:35:48] David Polidi: And I think when we're talking with our parts, it's that same kind of energy. As like, let's find resourcing and then offer that to parts and see how they take to it.[00:36:00]
[00:36:01] Tammy Sollenberger: Right. Right. It's sort of like a manager driven, right? Cause I got a manager driven diet or exercise or, and then, but the truth of the matter is if I have manager driven walk, let's say, right. I'll have to get females in or whatever. Then. Then I'm not going to have more of me. I'm not going to have the spaciousness.
[00:36:21] Tammy Sollenberger: Like, that's not going to happen in the same way. I
[00:36:23] David Polidi: said to you, Tammy, you got to go for a walk and feel calm. Right? Right.
[00:36:28] Tammy Sollenberger: Right. Right. I mean, we've all been there, right? We've all been like at the beach or at the sunrise or walk the mountain top or whatever that is, or in your favorite place. And there's so much chatter happening, or there's so much pain in your body that you can't experience it.
[00:36:43] Tammy Sollenberger: And then you're, then you have another part that's mad. That you can't be there. So now you've got a couple of different parts. So I think that it's, I think that I think resourcing is helpful and parts will show up when they need to show up and we can be grateful to them because they're showing up for a reason.
[00:36:58] Tammy Sollenberger: So, so if I'm at my favorite beach, [00:37:00] I'm doing my favorite thing and my parts are active and there's not enough of me, or there's not a lot of me there. There's a reason. And so I can turn towards them and find out, like, so I have some gratitude of like, what's going on. What, you know, what did they need to say?
[00:37:12] Tammy Sollenberger: So I think it works. I think it works. For both
[00:37:17] Tim Fortescue: spin, can I chime in something, David? And I know for me too. I mean, there's some communities, particularly there are parts of me that hate that I found IFS and I became more grounded in my faith, belovedness. This is not some sermon. I did go to seminary, but that's not where we're going there.
[00:37:36] Tim Fortescue: But people say, Oh, you're going to go down the slippery slope. If you get on tethered, From whatever you're supposed to be tethered to. And I have found that as we kind of soften, like what I was saying about that movie, just kind of soften and let it happen, there's a grounding. And it helps me to welcome all and to be grounded in who I am.
[00:37:59] Tim Fortescue: [00:38:00] But I was miserable worrying about staying tethered. And if I can get, when I get untethered, I find there's still a grounding and it's both and there, and that's been beautiful.
[00:38:13] David Polidi: I love what you're saying. And I wonder if. Because you said there's like people or other forces that are saying, Oh, you're going to lose yourself.
[00:38:22] David Polidi: If you're untethered I wonder if it makes sense. Could you kind of get a sense of what it was that you were tethered to? Because I would imagine the people that are invested in whatever that was, probably are like the ones that are very fearful of you becoming untethered and becoming true to yourself.
[00:38:42] Tim Fortescue: Right. And that is a whole other story. But yeah, I guess I'm tethered to an angry God. And these people are doing the best they can to like, there's, that's another thing is I've softened to the world and like, we're all doing the best that we can and there's no judgment and. I've had [00:39:00] great connections with people who are, are tethered or like fear of getting untethered and they're saying, wow, but I've got, I come from an evangelical background.
[00:39:10] Tim Fortescue: I don't know what I am anymore, but I'm, I'm happy. But people from like an evangelical background saying, you know what? I have got. Seven year olds inside of me that are just as quote unquote lost and hope maybe some of our viewers are resonating with this some Don't be turned off. Email me ask me questions.
[00:39:30] Tim Fortescue: We're all welcome But to hear people that have been working so hard to fix them Who are often a lot better off than I am. If they can turn it in, they're like, wow, I've got those little ones inside of me that are just searching for something and belonging and they're finding it. Yeah. Does that make sense?
[00:39:54] Tim Fortescue: I'm sorry, I hope I didn't open up a weird can of worms there.
[00:39:58] David Polidi: No, what you're [00:40:00] opening up, and I'd love to hear others, for me it's just parenting, right? There's, you're kind of opening that door to parenting and what that's like, and kind of how do you parent a little child, or you know, even a teenager, without really being aware of what's inside of yourself.
[00:40:20] Tammy Sollenberger: I hear it as just this recognition that we have this new worldview of, of knowing that we have parts and other people have parts. And so we can make it as good and bad, right? I'm good. They're bad. They're bad. I'm good. Right. We can do that pretty easily. And that feels really comfortable to us. But when we know, Oh, I have all these parts and you do too, Then that, you know, that changes, that changes everything, right?
[00:40:43] Tammy Sollenberger: Like that, you know, so if you want, David, we can talk about sort of podcasting, right? Like we all have parts that want to podcast and we have parts that don't, right. Just like anybody that has parts that want to do projects or want to do, you know, sort of write a book or do whatever, whatever they [00:41:00] want to do, start a new business or start a thing.
[00:41:02] Tammy Sollenberger: Like we all are going to have parts that want to do that. And we have parts that don't. And so I think that. You know, every season, like I'm just about to start season six. And so every season, it sort of parts. And I think we all have these in common, you know, parts that want to in parts that don't. And I think that that's something that's true for us.
[00:41:19] Tammy Sollenberger: It's true for our listeners that, that we have these different parts you know, that want to do something in parts that don't.
[00:41:27] John Clarke: That's really good. Speak to that, David. Sure. Hopefully my connection's okay. Tammy already knows all about my parts that had involvement in starting or not starting my podcast this time around.
[00:41:41] John Clarke: And this idea of being seen as you mentioned, David, I, for a long time, I've had another podcast helping therapists with the business side of things. And then when IFS changed my life, I thought I had parts that really wanted to. Amplify this message that IFS [00:42:00] offers and the paradigm shift and all these incredible offerings from IFS and then parts that were scared and freaked out and parts that did want to prove something or be seen as smart and capable.
[00:42:11] John Clarke: That was a very, what felt like a long and slow negotiation with those parts. And. It's the first few episodes I did were even a negotiation with guests when I had parts that were very activated and wanted to prove that I'm smart or know a lot, or it could be a good host or want to talk about, Oh yeah, I'm not new to podcasting.
[00:42:33] John Clarke: It's important. That was the part that wants you to know I'm not new to this, right? It's like, it was a lot for me to manage at first and doing that dance with my parts in having. Again that being said, it's been therapeutic for me, especially in this kind of community because of the self energy because of how do you shame it is just to name a few.
[00:42:54] John Clarke: Parts like I'm kind of doing right now. What I was looking for eventually, and then working with Tammy, with my [00:43:00] parts is like, what does a yes feel like? And what does the yes from self feel like as a trauma therapist? I'm really interested lately on reconnecting people to their intuition, because something that happens in trauma is a temporary loss of agency.
[00:43:16] John Clarke: That's my current working definition of trauma, but also a disconnection from our intuition, right? Especially when there's a part that says you should have known better, you should have avoided this, you should have seen the warning signs, why didn't you, right? Why did you trust someone? I'm also really interested in somatic work these days and somatic IFS.
[00:43:36] John Clarke: Something that people could do right now as an experiment is look on your desk and see if you have something to drink or something to eat and just take a look. And gaze very kind of just lightly at it and ask yourself, do I want to eat or drink this thing? So for me, it's a half finished cup of coffee [00:44:00] And then you can just wait until you get the yes or a no And it might come from your head for me.
[00:44:06] John Clarke: It comes deep in my gut kind of below My belly button and I can just kind of wait until I get an answer either way. Now, what also becomes tricky is how do we tell the difference between fear or a part that is just afraid and seeing threats everywhere and a part that is going, I'm actually trying to help warn you of something.
[00:44:28] John Clarke: My intuition trying to warn me of something, something going wrong or of experiencing a threat again. But look for little things in your life that feel like a yes or no. Think if, if a friend called you right now and said David, do you want to go out tonight and go bowling and get drinks or watch a movie or whatever and see what it feels like semantically to have a yes, a strong, clear yes, a strong, clear no, maybe a confusing Maybe.
[00:44:53] John Clarke: And in that maybe, you might go towards your parts or invite parts that want to go out, parts that, that say absolutely not. Yeah, [00:45:00]
[00:45:02] David Polidi: that's great.
[00:45:07] David Polidi: I love that. That's, that's Interesting to think about. I, I, I, a little piece of me, this is just a joke, but I was thinking like when you said that, how many people that were listening to us and watching us, like actually took a drink of the water. But but, but yeah, no, I, I think we're, we're also talking about polarities perhaps, right.
[00:45:25] David Polidi: Or, or different parts that want different things and, and pull us. And, and I know for me, like I have a lot of clients that are, are almost stuck in that world of like, do I do this? Do I do that? And how do I know that authentic? Yes, that authentic? No. And, and, you know, perhaps the part inside is really trying to hear that and maybe getting frustrated that that's a little bit, it feels a little bit nebulous to really hear, like, what is it that I really want?
[00:45:57] Natalie Deering: Yeah. Thank you, John, for sharing [00:46:00] that because I really resonate with that in terms of my journey to starting the podcast as well. It took me about a year, you know, from the time that I had the, had the thought and then to actually doing it. It was probably over a year and it took me doing a lot of therapy.
[00:46:20] Natalie Deering: and parts exploration in terms of getting to know David, like you're saying, like the polarizations within of, you know, a part of me that was like, yes, let's do it. Let's do it all now. And then another part that was like, no, let's not, because that's really scary. And we could be criticized and judged and you know, ultimately felt not good enough and unworthy.
[00:46:39] Natalie Deering: And so it was this back and forth, back and forth. And it was by bringing awareness to that, instead of either getting blended with either side. Really hearing them all out and then making that kind of, yeah, that intuitive or that self led, I feel like, [00:47:00] decision, you know, within me to, I felt like I knew when it was time to do it but it definitely was a journey.
[00:47:09] Natalie Deering: It was a journey of exploration within. For sure. So I really resonate with them.
[00:47:18] Tammy Sollenberger: Yeah. I love what John said too. I thought it was brilliant. And I think what I'm hearing too, yeah, you can see the polarizations, but really is about connecting to ourselves, which is that, that thing that we lose in trauma, the thing that we all sort of have forgotten who we are. And so that's what it comes down to is sort of like, what does it feel like to have more of me here?
[00:47:39] Tammy Sollenberger: Like to have more of me here, walking around, living my life. Yeah. Feels very different than all the parts that live my life and I love my parts and they're amazing and they, they have given me a good life, but what is it like for me to have more of me here? And I think that's, that's what I'm hearing John kind of invite us to is, you know, to notice that, to notice those cues of self [00:48:00] energy, to notice those yeses and, and to be more connected to our bodies because our bodies are going to help us be more connected to self energy.
[00:48:06] Tammy Sollenberger: So I think that was beautiful.
[00:48:13] David Polidi: Yeah. And what are your thoughts?
[00:48:16] Tim Fortescue: Yeah, we'll definitely feel the parts and my journey. So I've only been at this four or five years and I got into trainings and I'm level two trained and not that everyone needs that, but I just make a point. It's been five years and I've covered a lot of ground and it's kind of a mystery of how that works.
[00:48:35] Tim Fortescue: And I know that makes some therapists sick that hear what I just said and. And it's going to happen. But I started my podcast before I found IFS and it was called faithfully growing with Tim Fortescue. This website was like a buck 99 on GoDaddy. I still, I'm grateful that that's the branding now it's coming together, but I had no idea.
[00:48:58] Tim Fortescue: And like two people [00:49:00] would watch each episode. I'd be sitting in my garage. We lived in California then in my bathrobe. With nothing professional and then I found IFS. I put IFS insights and meditations in the title and I started getting more intentional about doing just a little insight one week, a meditation the next week.
[00:49:22] Tim Fortescue: And boom, it has taken off. And so being consistent and just letting it evolve. And I know I've been saying that a lot and sometimes it doesn't evolve in the way that I want to, but just sticking with it and it. But sometimes I'm amazed that I'm even on this panel. There's a part of me that says that and wants to criticize, but there's another, like I belong here.
[00:49:49] Tim Fortescue: I am good enough. I do matter. And I don't mean that arrogantly. There's the other part of saying, Oh, you're tootin your own horn or whatever you want to [00:50:00] call it. But those parts are coming in constantly, but at my core, I belong. I've got something to offer and I'm grateful for the courage to, to get it out there.
[00:50:11] Tim Fortescue: And I'm grateful for my parts on all sides that bring that gift of who I am at my center.
[00:50:21] David Polidi: That's so great. Got a love from, from the audience.
[00:50:29] David Polidi: So I'm wondering, I'll still, I know we're, we have just a little more time. I wonder if there's time for this and Tammy taking what you said, which was beautiful direction of, you know, podcasting and the different parts that came up and, and then kind of hearing her own voice. I'm wondering for all of you, 'cause I, I feel this kind of resonating that with your podcast there was some parts of you [00:51:00] or some parts of self that was thinking about the future of IFS, the future that you wanna see in IFS and, and kind of
[00:51:13] David Polidi: wanting to, to bring something to others. That makes sense. And I'm curious, you know, how, how that hits you guys, if you know where, kind of how you see yourself continuing in this beautiful place of, of understanding IFS, using it for yourself, and then bringing it out to others. What does that bring up inside?
[00:51:43] David Polidi: I apologize for how poorly worded that was. I'll probably edit that out.
[00:51:51] John Clarke: It was very well worded, David. I can just say that why it's important to me and why I have urgency around getting this message out is [00:52:00] that it feels that now more than ever we need to connect to our spirituality. And I don't know exactly how or when or why we got so disconnected from it. For some people, religion spirituality just means religion.
[00:52:17] John Clarke: For some people like myself, we had really hard experiences with religion growing up. And IFS offers in part, a, an opportunity to reconnect to your spirituality, especially in this idea of what is self or your soul or the God image inside of you. Accessing. Your heart energy, whatever it might be.
[00:52:36] John Clarke: That's an opportunity to reconnect with your spirituality, and especially if you're healing from trauma, it's an essential part of healing from trauma because trauma is in a way, a spiritual experience, the healing also has to be a spiritual experience. So that's the invitation that that I feel is there.
[00:52:53] David Polidi: Yeah. Thank you. I feel like I I'm looking at the time and I'm so wanting to [00:53:00] continue talking with all of you. So I want to, first of all, thank you. The panel, the audience. I have this sitting on my desk and it's really wanting to go to somebody. So I think that this is my silly thing that I figured out how to do on my phone.
[00:53:18] David Polidi: You ready for this? Siri, choose a random number from one to 40.
[00:53:34] David Polidi: All right, let's look at it. Let's look here at our chat. I'm going to start in with Haley from Cincinnati, Ohio. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. All right, you ready? Drumroll, Marsha Goldman from California. [00:54:00] Oh my gosh! You are the winner! You won!
[00:54:05] Marsha Goldman: Congratulations! Thank you so much! Congratulations!
[00:54:08] David Polidi: Yes. Yeah. So what I'll do is if you could email me at empowered through compassion at gmail.
[00:54:17] David Polidi: com, your name, Marsha, and your address, you won that one. You won that. I'm going to, I'm going to send it right out to you.
[00:54:26] Marsha Goldman: Thank you so, so much. I absolutely love mandalas and I love the message. I love everything about it. Thank you so much and
[00:54:33] David Polidi: for
[00:54:35] Marsha Goldman: this time to spend with all of you. It was wonderful.
[00:54:41] David Polidi: I'm so grateful and happy for everybody here. Thank you for being a part of this. I'd love to do this again. You know, an open invitation to you guys. I think a couple of things I want to say in conclusion. So I know we only have a minute, but I want to encourage people to sign up for my newsletter [00:55:00] because I would like to answer all the questions on the chat and the newsletter that we haven't gotten to.
[00:55:06] David Polidi: And I'm kidding, because we haven't gotten any questions yet, but but I do have a newsletter where I would love to share things that are coming up and share things about all of you and your podcasts too. So please. Sign up for that and I really appreciate you being here in the audience and, and you on the panel.
[00:55:27] David Polidi: Is there any final words, thoughts, messages that anybody here would like to give to people?
[00:55:36] Natalie Deering: Just thank you so much for attending. I really appreciate you dedicating your time over this past hour and thank you for listening to our podcasts and, you know, allowing us to be a part of your lives too. I appreciate it.
[00:55:54] Tim Fortescue: Thank you, David. Is today your birthday?
[00:55:57] David Polidi: Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.
[00:55:58] Tim Fortescue: Okay. Well, happy [00:56:00] early birthday.
[00:56:01] David Polidi: Thank you. Happy
[00:56:02] Tim Fortescue: birthday. Sorry, I just announced that to everyone, but I did.
[00:56:07] David Polidi: I'm putting my age out there. Yeah, no, this was really special for me to have you guys here. And I admire each and every one of you.
[00:56:15] David Polidi: And this is really cool. I said to people here on the panel, why don't you, why don't we just do this and just have fun? And they all were. And again, if you would like to do it again, I'm game. I'm game to do something like this again. And we'll see what the responses are like from the audience. But thank you.
[00:56:35] Tammy Sollenberger: Thanks, David. I appreciate it. Of course. Thank you for all
[00:56:40] David Polidi: that you guys are doing. All right. Well, see you guys soon. Audience, thank you for being here and say goodbye.
[00:56:53] John Clarke: Thanks for listening to another episode of Going Inside. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe wherever you're listening or watching [00:57:00] and share your favorite episode with a friend.
[00:57:02] John Clarke: You can follow me on Instagram, @John ClarkeTherapy and apply to work with me one on one at JohnClarkeTherapy com. See you next time.
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