Religious Trauma, Sex Addiction, & IFS with Forest Benedict
Religious Trauma, Sex Addiction, & IFS with Forest Benedict
In this episode of Going Inside, psychotherapist and author Forest Benedict shares his journey from Christian-based sex addiction therapy to healing religious trauma and embracing Internal Family Systems (IFS). Together, we explore the impact of religious trauma, the role of shame in addiction and identity, and the power of IFS in fostering authenticity and freedom. Forest reflects on his personal deconstruction, his professional pivot, and his mission to help others reconnect with their true selves in the face of societal and religious pressures.
Religious trauma often involves suppressing one's identity and agency under the constant threat of judgment, creating long-term emotional and psychological challenges.
Shame is a central force in both religious trauma and addiction, fueling self-critical behaviors that perpetuate cycles of pain and disconnection from the self.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) fosters self-compassion, helping individuals reconnect with their authentic selves, heal internal conflicts, and reclaim agency.
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Interview Transcript:
[00:00:00] Forest: I would say this is very much true with addiction and with religion is you get this really dominating manager, like self critical manager that like tears the hell out of you, just beats you up continuously as a way to control. Behavior and then that adds even more shame to the whole system before
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[00:01:04] John: To see how Jane can help you spend more time doing what you love, head to the link in the show notes to book a personalized demo. Or if you're ready to get started, you can use the code John at the time of sign up for a one month grace period applied to your new account. Let's dive in. Forest Benedict LMFT provides online therapy in California and soon Washington.
[00:01:27] John: He focuses on using IFS with clients experiencing CPTSD, religious trauma, sexual shame, and other challenges. You can check out his website and his blog at ForestBenedict.com. Forest, thank you for being here. What else should people know about who you are and how you got here?
[00:01:45] Forest: Oh, so much for inviting me.
[00:01:48] Forest: I'm really happy to be here with you. Yeah, there's so much, I feel like everybody that does IFS work has their own backstory, But yeah, that's what I would add to it is that [00:02:00] IFS has been life changing for me and deeply healing for me and specifically in the area of religious trauma.
[00:02:10] Forest: And yeah, I just feel very passionate about helping people heal and connect with themselves. And yeah, I'm a therapist in California.
[00:02:22] John: Yeah, let's let's see where the topic takes us today around religious trauma. Even starting with, would you mind defining that for us and what are some examples? Yeah.
[00:02:33] Forest: Yeah. It can be something traumatic. That happens within a religious context. But I think the way I felt a lot of what shows up with the people that I work with is more
[00:02:49] Forest: basically how, like a belief system or like the threat of like punishment or hell, or basically a [00:03:00] religion within a religious context causes people to have to suppress themselves and really. Limit, like who they can be in the world and and so yeah, there's definitely, I would say traumatic experiences that happened within the religious context, but but that, I see, I think a lot of religious trauma is more like complex PTSD because it's like you're continuously.
[00:03:27] Forest: In a context in which you're having to perform and suppress yourself and really have under the constant threat of judgment or threat of punishment in some way. Yeah. And, so I think it's interesting from a, so yeah, I think that's a good way to describe it. Can definitely be specific traumatic events.
[00:03:52] Forest: That happen within that religious context, but then, yeah, it can also be just, continuously being [00:04:00] in a situation that you can't get out of without fear of pretty severe consequences.
[00:04:05] John: Yeah, I have limited experience clinically working with folks. I guess coming to me specifically with religious trauma.
[00:04:14] John: I also have a personal fascination with how it happens or I've watched probably every like cult documentary on HBO and a lot of how these stories start is the idea that it's not a cult or these ideas are not that radical. And yet. Sometimes the story is then when people try to leave or think about leaving that's when things ramp up and that's when things get very tense and you either double down or you risk Leaving and something bad happening to you or there being consequences whether they're emotional, physical, financial, whatever they are but some degree of power and control is Really important here.
[00:04:55] John: And then people who are in fear or in a transition [00:05:00] in their lives or whatever, that are looking for a sense of belonging, there's a lot of. I've noticed that really pulls people into groups where it's so compelling to be part of a group and to be under the leadership of someone with really strong ideas who says, this is the way and I can change your life.
[00:05:16] John: Like I, I see how compelling it is,
[00:05:19] Forest: yeah,
[00:05:20] John: definitely.
[00:05:21] Forest: Yeah and that's the thing too, like even when I was a Christian, I didn't consider myself in a cult, and I and even now I would say in the mainstream, like Christianity or the type that I was involved in isn't always considered a cult but there's a thing and I think it's really it doesn't mean that it's unhealthy.
[00:05:41] Forest: It's, it's still, in my view It's still a situation in which you're basically dependent on an outside authority to tell you who you are and what you need to do, whether it's the church leader or the Bible or the community, it's really, to me, it's like very [00:06:00] much the office opposite of what we do with IFS, it's like releasing your submitting your own authority to someone else.
[00:06:09] Forest: And then yeah, just basically living from the outside in, to control your behavior.
[00:06:16] John: This idea of losing one's sense of self that idea most people can get, can understand like colloquially, but then from an IFS perspective, we use self in a very specific way. But yeah, this idea of who am I and what do I believe?
[00:06:30] John: And something that I. Notice as a threat in trauma in general is a loss of agency and a lot of times an abandonment of like people talk about self abandoning, right? Or when people looking back when I go, I knew that situation was wrong or that this person was up to no good, but I followed them anyway.
[00:06:51] John: Or I dated them or whatever. And then part of the process of healing is this slow. Repairing of that internal attachment of can I really trust myself? [00:07:00] So what, what thoughts do you have on that?
[00:07:01] Forest: Oh yeah. I would say especially in the way that I was raised. You're really taught not to trust yourself and that like your body and your emotions and your desires are all evil, really, that you basically got to surrender that to God and let God, God's will be done in your life.
[00:07:20] Forest: And so it's a real, yeah, it causes a real misalignment. With the person's like internal world or even trusting their instincts or, even, getting curious about who they are deep down, especially in the area of sexuality, I would say there's such rigid and really impossible standards.
[00:07:41] Forest: Really messed up beliefs around like who can be sexual and who can't and so yeah I think it really does cause an abandonment of yourself, but it's you know, it's parts. It's trying to it's survival, right? It's what do you do when you're in a situation where it's either abandon yourself [00:08:00] or, don't survive, so I, I think I am always encouraging clients to just have as much possible, self compassion as they can around, like what they had to do to survive being in a situation like that, the parts, that really saved them from, no shame around self abandonment because that was survival really.
[00:08:20] John: It's really interesting because a lot of our culture and is around compliance, right? Or even the way we raise children of being good, in my experience, I'm also, a guy who was raised in the church in the South. And so being good behaving, and being compliant.
[00:08:37] John: And so what that can also mean. And now I have, a four year old daughter and the risk in that is teaching her unintentionally that to basically bypass her own instincts and intuition. And even this thing around like making little kids like. Hug people, just cause it's the right thing to do.
[00:08:57] John: We're in a different era of parenting now around stuff like that, but [00:09:00] you see how this starts in terms of how did, how do we learn to default to others, right? And especially when people come along and they're powerful or have big ideas or degrees or even therapists that are narcissistic and abusive and controlling of their clients, I've helped.
[00:09:16] John: A number of clients recover from, abusive narcissistic therapists, right? Where these people in a vulnerable state, very well intending, we're just looking for help. And also when they thought about speaking up, they thought I don't want to be a bad client, so I should probably just go along with.
[00:09:32] John: Yeah. And that's the beginning of the end for a lot of folks. Yeah, exactly.
[00:09:37] Forest: Yeah. And I hate to say this, but I feel like before I learned IFS I wouldn't say I was like damaging my clients per se, or not saying I'm in the same ballpark as what you just described.
[00:09:49] Forest: But I, I know that I was very focused on being the specialist and the expert and having all the answers for people, because I was [00:10:00] really brought up in that whole mentality and, so I would welcome it if people would, default to trusting my opinion. And now I do, my therapy style is completely opposite of that.
[00:10:12] Forest: It's Hey, I'm going to teach you how to connect with yourself inside your inner compass. Instead of believing everything I have to say for you what do I know about that?
[00:10:24] John: It's a huge paradigm shift, right? This idea that we're connecting clients to their inner guide, their self to your point, I have those parts too, that even today, if I'm tired or feeling low resource, and the client's what do you think I should do? There's a part of me that's tempted to just say it, and then that's again, a slippery slope around bypassing their self, their sense of self. And On one hand, in grad school, we were taught very much not to do that and to be so mindful of the power dynamics and the power we hold just of being the therapist.
[00:10:55] John: And yet on the other hand, it can be so easy and so subtle to [00:11:00] undermine a client's agency, and yet it's the most important thing, right? Especially in the case of being a trauma therapist, right?
[00:11:07] Forest: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.
[00:11:09] John: Yeah.
[00:11:10] Forest: Yeah. And that's, I, before I did a lot of religious trauma work and IFS, I was a sex addiction therapist and, and a author and all this stuff.
[00:11:20] Forest: And and it was very Christian based. Honestly, I didn't really realize it at the time, but it was, yeah, it was all about, I got a lot out of, I got a lot of, it boosted me up in lots of ways to feel like the expert and, it's just, yeah, it's, I'm glad I'm not headed that direction anymore.
[00:11:40] Forest: It's, it feels much better to be a guide
[00:11:45] John: people are. Yeah, people are from looking for someone to just tell me what to do. Or even in the world of like sex addiction, 12 step arenas like that, it's, it can be very it can feel very therapeutic to [00:12:00] have those guardrails all of a sudden of this person or this therapist is saying if you relapse, I won't see you, or if you're using pornography, I won't see you.
[00:12:07] John: And it's there's, there's, Especially sex addiction therapists out there that are very quote hardcore like that and for a lot of people that really appeals to them of like I need this hard nosed kind of structure and yet what it can create is This kind of white knuckle Drunk situation, right?
[00:12:25] John: Where people's behaviors are just barely managed or managed enough, but the core wounding around it is still very much like alive and well, right?
[00:12:34] Forest: Yeah. Yeah. It just becomes like super manager oriented, just really strong manager. Don't manager. Yeah. And there's no like understanding of that, like firefighter part that's trying to like.
[00:12:49] Forest: actually help and yeah, whatever, like core wounding or exiles or underneath all that. Yeah it's a terrible way to do any type of [00:13:00] recovery. It's not recovery, it's just self control and it's just no way to live. Honestly, I think it's not a great approach to life.
[00:13:10] John: Yeah, I would agree.
[00:13:11] John: And it was, IFS has changed my life and my clinical work in a lot of ways. But the nature of it being so de shaming is so therapeutic and for, clients that I work with around their addictive parts just the stance is so non shaming and the invitation of let's get to know this addictive part or the one that likes to drink or the one that, likes to look at pornography and this idea of what could be good about that?
[00:13:38] John: I just had a client earlier today who said they, they basically had been trying to get a job for all this time. And then they had a job interview and it was like, a part of me just sabotaged it and didn't go to the interview.
[00:13:52] Forest: And the
[00:13:53] John: question I had right off the bat of I wonder what could be good about not going to that interview.
[00:13:57] John: It's I won't be seen. And I don't have the fear of [00:14:00] rejection
[00:14:00] Forest: from
[00:14:01] John: that perspective. It makes a lot of sense. That did its job.
[00:14:05] Forest: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. These are, yeah. And they, it, they're so protective of that future possible pain and also so protective of whatever we might be really unaware of inside that's really being protected as well.
[00:14:24] John: I'm curious your thoughts too on, on shame, because the more I do this work, the more I see shame is like a real engine to a lot of, Issues and especially I work with a lot of men. It seems like you do as well. And so Even this client was just talking about like that shame piece is so central to the work.
[00:14:42] John: And it's so insidious, right? So i'm curious like your experiences around that or just how you think about shame and how you work with it.
[00:14:48] Forest: Yeah, that's a great question. Yeah, and it's It fits with the addiction work as well as like religious trauma. 'cause it's almost like with religious [00:15:00] trauma, you're like taught to be ashamed of parts of you that, parts of you are shameful and are bad.
[00:15:06] Forest: And yeah, that's a big question. Like I definitely see how the shame comes along with the traumatic experiences. And then also, this, I would say this is very much true with diction and with religious. And with religion is you get this really dominating, like manager, like self critical manager that tears the hell out of you, just beats you up continuously as a way to control behavior.
[00:15:38] Forest: And then that adds even more shame to the whole system, and keeps that whole, cycle of addiction going because then there's just so much more shame to manage inside. And, that'll get the firefighters even more riled up, and more wanting to save you from all the shame.
[00:15:54] Forest: And yeah, it's just, it's just interesting how that part of us that's obviously trying to [00:16:00] help just can beat like the hell out of us and just use the shame in so many ways. And that's very true, I think, again, with religious trauma, too, because, that There's some consequences that feel very real if you do not act perfectly in your actions, as well as your words, as well as your thoughts, you have supposedly God is like watching to make sure you behave all the time.
[00:16:28] Forest: And yeah, I think that perfectionistic, the perfectionistic parts, the self critical parts can just become very dominant when you have to behave all the time. or else something bad will happen. And, I think that increases the shame as well.
[00:16:47] John: Yeah, this, a really basic idea that is both in for instance, Christianity and of course in 12 step.
[00:16:54] John: is this idea of like our brokenness, right? And part of why we need God is our brokenness, [00:17:00] right? And from this 12 step perspective that you can basically never heal your brokenness, right? We have to admit it and just keep our head down forever as a way to stay in reverence to God.
[00:17:12] John: And. That's a really strong and again insidious idea. And again, I just think for a lot of men, it can root really deeply inside of us around like the ways in which I'm bad. Yeah. Better yet. What if someone witnesses my badness?
[00:17:29] Forest: Yeah. Yeah, totally.
[00:17:32] John: Yeah.
[00:17:32] Forest: Yeah. Yeah. And I have, I do run an online group for men and some of it's around addiction, but also IFS based and it's just so healing for them to be able to speak those things to each other and to the group, just it's I think it's Brene Brown that says I don't know.
[00:17:49] Forest: I'm going to butcher this, but it's like shame dies where, when it's witnessed with, I'm totally making this up, it's powerful to, to share those things that they're ashamed [00:18:00] of and just be accepted and loved. And, I think that could be a big part of the healing as well as the internal.
[00:18:06] Forest: Work around that shame.
[00:18:08] John: The opposite of that, that Bernie Brown pieces shame grows in the dark. And I find that to be very true. And again, like people who have been white knuckling their behaviors for years or decades or whatever, until the levy breaks and they just can't anymore.
[00:18:22] John: Yeah. Or their physical health breaks down or they get caught or whatever, or it starts to affect their work finally. And they're all of a sudden not getting away with it.
[00:18:32] Forest: Yeah, totally. And this is interesting. It's funny that the addiction piece came into this because I've done so much work around that.
[00:18:41] Forest: But I find that and there's been some research around this, that a lot of Christians think they're porn addicts just because. They're taught that it's sinful and because they want to look at it, but then they don't aren't allowed to. And for me, like for decades, I thought I was a recovering porn addict [00:19:00] and I wrote a book on it and I was like really public about my recovery.
[00:19:04] Forest: But as I did more IFS healing and just really took this whole journey really seriously and deconstructed from the religion. I realized that it wasn't an addiction. It was actually just shame around how sex, my sexuality, and so that was taught to me. And I probably really just had a normal sex drive for somebody, but then I was taught that this was sinful and bad.
[00:19:30] Forest: And so taught to really fight that. And yeah, I think a lot of like people of faith, think that they're so bad and that they're addicts when really they're just have a sexual side of them that wants to express itself and they don't feel like they can do that. So it becomes a battle inside,
[00:19:50] John: becomes a polarization, to your point. And through the lens of IFS, I'm so curious this journey for you around Yeah, having this [00:20:00] identity writing this book about it and then how you, yeah, got to where you are now.
[00:20:06] Forest: Yeah. Yeah. It was very unexpected. And this is, this is probably a whole nother topic is like that relates to this is how do you like change your identity as a therapist, and as you're going through your own personal changes.
[00:20:22] Forest: And yeah
[00:20:22] John: it
[00:20:23] Forest: was really unexpected. Won't go into the whole story of it, but I was like training Christian therapists and a sex addiction program and teaching in seminary. And really my faith was like everything for me. And I ended up going through a very unexpected, and that, that's what led me to become a sex addiction therapist was my, And when, as I, like I said, very unexpectedly went through like a deconversion process and questioning everything and studying the Bible and realizing, from other [00:21:00] perspectives that it wasn't like this perfect book and everything.
[00:21:02] Forest: What I will say is it came down to, and the biggest like catalyst for me was having a psychedelic experience that really showed me in a very like visionary way that We didn't need religion to save ourselves, to save us. But I already knew about IFS. I really got this vision of we can use IFS to save us.
[00:21:23] Forest: Like we can learn to save ourselves. We don't need religion. And it sounds like something you would hear from like a drug experience, but it was really drastically life changing for me. And I. I got out of that and ended up releasing myself from the religion and quitting my Christian university job and getting into IFS training, level one and doing my own, getting really serious about my own healing.
[00:21:49] Forest: Because I had a lot of religious trauma as well as a ton of unhealed, like family trauma. So that's what like, So it's a major life changing, 180 [00:22:00] degrees turn. And but then, yeah, it really saved me and then helped me yeah, just really come to this journey of like helping people with the religious piece or that have been through stuff that I've been through.
[00:22:15] Forest: And, just so that's like a short story of it. But then I ended up unpublishing my book because. As I went through this healing and yeah, just really realigning myself to who I am deep down instead of the life that I created when I thought I had to, impress God and everybody else.
[00:22:37] Forest: So it's been like, that's why I love talking about authenticity because to me as like an IFS, it's like shit, all the things that we can shed that are really not us and just the life the life that we can live, that the quality of life we can live when we connect with who we are and get to be that.
[00:22:56] Forest: So that's a really short version of it. [00:23:00]
[00:23:01] John: I really appreciate you sharing and I appreciate your courage and sharing to your point also about now, As therapists, we are living our personal lives and going, having our personal journeys. And we know that. I don't know if clients always know that.
[00:23:15] John: I think they probably think we have figured it all out. And to your point, sometimes we, Maintain that position or that pedestal of I've figured things out and I am an expert right an expert meaning You know a lot about sex addiction. Therefore, you must be an expert. It's also saying you're an expert on the soul or on Yeah condition and yet here you are also having your own wounds and your own imperfections and whatever and so this idea, you know through IFS that We are literally leading you to your own resource and your core self is good and knowing and loving is It's such a relief as a therapist right to not have to know or [00:24:00] be the expert.
[00:24:01] John: Yeah, and also even To name our own parts, right or when we screw up in session Which I know I do to be able to name parts of me that came up or parts of me that were Defending or whatever, I think that can be really humanizing for us and the client too.
[00:24:19] Forest: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
[00:24:21] Forest: Yeah. And I've, and I've had a lot of, I've had clients tell me, especially in my men's group that like, they was actually respected me more because I changed, but was also like, open about it, open enough, open as they could be about it, like they, like to them, it actually deepened credibility that I was being true to.
[00:24:48] John: Yeah,
[00:24:48] Forest: I was, as I went through my own work. And yeah it became, yeah maybe it's some of that, just seeing my humanity and just seeing yeah, I'm definitely not perfect, but I am. on this same [00:25:00] journey and really trying to be as authentic as possible.
[00:25:04] John: Yeah, that, that is beautiful. I it also reminds me of some of the Brene Brown sentiments around vulnerability and courage by invulnerability.
[00:25:12] John: And again, I also have a part of me saying, and yet as men I've been punished so many times in my life. For my vulnerability, even in the past month for being more vulnerable, people in my life or whomever. And so it's on one hand, I really want to champion this idea of vulnerability, but on the other hand, like I still get wounded and especially from other men or other men in my life or friends, who are men or whatever, it's just like the wounding still happens.
[00:25:41] John: So it's like, how do you heal when. Just being a a man among other men's is, is just really hard and a lot of their woundedness comes out and creates patterns and then parts of me go, see, this is why we're not vulnerable.
[00:25:58] Forest: Yeah, I know. [00:26:00] Seriously. Yeah. And yeah I, We could probably do a whole podcast on just that, just we will have to talk masculinity and just, yeah, that's a, that's the type of groups that I, the type of group I like to have is like creating a safe place where men can just, like actually want to talk about emotions and want to talk about.
[00:26:22] Forest: The deeper things. Also it just sparked this other thought at least for me, like how we can even use like a concept like that Oh, it's healthier emotionally to be vulnerable. And then we take it as take it upon ourselves. Like we have to put that pressure on ourselves to be vulnerable because Brené Brown said we should, and we're going to be healthier.
[00:26:43] Forest: Yeah. And it's yeah, it's like like how we, another way we use like an outside authority. to guide us. And, it's becomes like our, I, like I do that all the time with mental health stuff, it's like you learn all this mental health stuff and then [00:27:00] you're like, Oh, these are more things I have to do to be a healthy person.
[00:27:03] Forest: And to me, I'm just really switching that around a lot and just really trying to trust myself that, Hey, this is a place where I feel comfortable being vulnerable. And this is places I don't, and just a freedom to have those boundaries and trust myself instead of, taking those things that are, especially I think as therapists, we know all the ways you're supposed to be healthy, I don't know, at least that's part of the journey for me.
[00:27:30] Forest: And so
[00:27:31] John: definitely,
[00:27:31] Forest: Just trying to turn that around to be less like, Oh, you have to be this to be healthy in every situation. We're trusting ourselves,
[00:27:39] John: Thinking a little more about what I was saying about taking the risk of being more vulnerable, our parts work really hard to again, it's like part there's parts that hold the shame.
[00:27:48] John: There's parts that protect the ones that hold the shame. And so if I speak my truth or tell someone, Hey, This is how I'm really feeling or taking the risk, even with a friend of I'd like [00:28:00] to be closer to you, I'd like to talk more or whatever, feel really high stakes. And so self could offer, can offer this idea or this promise of self can be there with, for these parts, regardless of how it goes.
[00:28:13] John: regardless of whether like my bid for connection is met or maybe it's denied or maybe it's like I get made fun of or whatever, and then like self can be with those parts that are heard and feel like I'm, 14 again.
[00:28:26] Forest: Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And that that's how I experience self quite a bit as well as like it gives me more courage to be myself in the world.
[00:28:39] Forest: But yeah like you said, because self will catch me if it doesn't work out type of thing, but then also just Yeah I don't know. I know for me, like growing up in religion, like we were encouraged to not really have good boundaries and just share yourself with everybody. And so I guess I have a part of me that's also wanting to really [00:29:00] honor if like it doesn't feel comfortable to be vulnerable.
[00:29:02] Forest: There's an also like awareness of a healthy boundary or what feels right to the person, if that makes sense.
[00:29:14] John: Yeah, this is. I appreciate you tying it back into the religious trauma piece. And yeah, I think again, this is also like for some people, how they become slowly deconstructed or even their core sense of self from a pure psychological standpoint can start to be untethered or unraveled when they are constantly.
[00:29:36] John: Revealing when it doesn't feel good to reveal. Or again, even as a therapy client, if a client's not like being vulnerable and they're seen as being resistant, it's like that word in itself is it's crazy that anyone still uses. Yeah, we are bypassing protectors left and right.
[00:29:54] John: If we hold that type of belief of like, why hasn't this client opened up yet? Why aren't they letting me help them? It's [00:30:00] protectors who've been doing their jobs for way longer than I've been here for four sessions going, why don't this client open up right now that you're here to you for me to help you.
[00:30:10] John: And I can help you with your trauma. We can do EMDR and or you can get sober or whatever. And then it's the original way of seeing that is a client being resistant.
[00:30:20] Forest: Yeah. Yeah. And, like it, it can actually be. That's why I love IFS is because we can really honor those parts and yeah, there might be some really valid reasons for them not to fully trust me just, and that, and I would say that comes up for clients with having me as a male, there's definitely people that just don't.
[00:30:43] Forest: Trust males for really good reasons. And a lot of, I would say a lot of males in the world unfortunately are very unhealed and doing lots of damage in the world. And That's right. So yeah, I get that, that somebody wouldn't just trust me just 'cause I, am their therapist. And but to me that's part of the [00:31:00] healing work too, that I actually love is, not being that type of male.
[00:31:03] Forest: Bringing the, bringing itself into the room and helping heal some of that. If they trust me to help them with that.
[00:31:11] John: That in itself can be a corrective emotional experience, right? If someone's experiencing that anxiety. Of your maleness and you let you honor that and honor the protective parts around that.
[00:31:24] John: And they may eventually, you may eventually earn their trust. And they can internalize some of that healing and also the parts that are still keeping an eye out for people in my life that are not any good. And are dangerous. Yeah.
[00:31:38] Forest: Totally. Yeah.
[00:31:40] John: Totally. And sometimes I went through Derek Scott's program.
[00:31:47] John: I have, stepping stones, but I think that was on your website too. Maybe. Oh no, but I'm, I definitely know what you're talking about. Okay. Yeah, but that has happened in a couple of times where folks in the group have had a reaction to. [00:32:00] Me, just being a male, right? And they've had parts that will react or protect or whatever.
[00:32:06] John: And yeah, then we just try to work with that. I remember the first time it happened seemingly out of nowhere. I also had parts that were. Scared and worried and thought, Oh, I want you to know I'm like one of the good ones, and I also had to just be a little more okay with them going through their process and knowing there's history there.
[00:32:26] John: And there's really good reasons that those protectors are like, yeah not with this guy. It's yeah good that you know that, right?
[00:32:33] Forest: Yeah, definitely. I have trust issues with males too, like I, there's only, yeah there's a lot of stuff that I've had to work through in that area too.
[00:32:45] Forest: And, it's been healing for me to find really healthy males that are, very different than the type of abuse that I got from males in the past. And that's been part of my healing too.
[00:32:58] John: Yeah. And I love that you're doing that in your group [00:33:00] as well, and creating that space and protecting that space really, because it has to be protected.
[00:33:05] John: And just one group member can really throw off a dynamic like that. And people can start to shut down or zone out or whatever.
[00:33:14] Forest: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. The kind of screen make sure people are a good fit for that. And yeah. I guess the good news is like that type of group would only appeal to certain people, but then it becomes self selecting.
[00:33:31] Forest: Yeah. It was a little different when it was only sex addiction, then it did bring in more narcissistic folks. And yeah, there was definitely some and more strict religious folks. And yeah, I think it's now that it's become more of like a IFS focused slash recovery slash men connection group.
[00:33:53] Forest: It's really become like a really special place that, there aren't a whole lot of guys getting together doing this type of thing. And it's [00:34:00] special to be.
[00:34:04] John: Yeah I'm so glad that's happening. Got a little bit of time left. What do you think is missing from the conversation or what's it been like for you to talk about all this stuff and hit on some of the different areas of your life and your practice?
[00:34:16] Forest: Yeah. Yeah. It's been really meaningful to be here and to chat about all this.
[00:34:22] Forest: And yeah I don't know I think just coming back to that topic of authenticity. Yeah, like whether it's religious trauma or any other type of trauma, I just feel like IFS gives us the ability to, yeah, just get all the healing that we need, all the, heal all the things that get in the way of us just fully being ourselves.
[00:34:46] Forest: And so yeah, I just, it's, That's been my journey and that's just I love helping other people do just be fully themselves and just yeah, just all the stuff that they had to do to survive [00:35:00] being perfect and people pleasing and impressing people and performing and all this stuff, it's just, I love helping people get to know those parts, but then also move into discovering who they really are.
[00:35:13] Forest: In every way, sexually and just emotionally and just being free. To me, it's all about just freedom, being free to be who you are.
[00:35:24] John: That's great. It's hard to add anything to that. So I'm not going to try. It's a really wonderful universal message to offer. Hard to toss it for us.
[00:35:33] John: Thank you so much for doing this. Can you just help us wrap things up with. A little more about how you help people. You mentioned the group. Do you do individual therapy and how can people learn more about, working with you? Yeah.
[00:35:45] Forest: Yeah. Yeah. No, I may, like I said, I mainly do individual therapy for adults religious trauma, sexual shame.
[00:35:54] Forest: I actually even just realized recently, I really like working with other therapists too. So [00:36:00] especially if they have an interest in IFS, like I, I found those clients to be, yeah, just really meaningful work that we do to do together. And I do, so that's all in California online. And then I'm going to be taking the tests for licensure up here in Washington and hopefully getting Oregon and Utah soon.
[00:36:20] Forest: And then I also do some like religious trauma coaching type stuff. So yeah, ForrestBenedict. com. I also do tons of blogging and creative stuff like on Instagram and stuff. I just have a very creative writing part that still loves to do that stuff. So yeah, all that's on my website. Awesome.
[00:36:41] John: Yeah.
[00:36:41] John: I think that's how we. Came across you is your Instagram and the content you make and the blog. So awesome. Yeah, really neat stuff. And I appreciate the creativity and the offering to people, the service to people to put out free stuff. Yeah, for us, thank you so much again for doing this for being here with me [00:37:00] and for your.
[00:37:00] John: Authenticity and vulnerability. And I'd love to have you back sometime for a part two and maybe we'll go even deeper with one of these topics. Maybe like the masculinity piece in our future.
[00:37:12] Forest: That'd be awesome. Yeah. I'd love to do that. Let's definitely talk.
[00:37:15] John: All right. We'll do it. Thanks again for us.
[00:37:19] John: John. Thanks for listening to another episode of going inside. If you enjoyed this episode, please and subscribe wherever you're listening or watching and share your favorite episode with a friend. You can follow me on Instagram, @JohnClarkeTherapy and apply to work with me one on one at JohnClarkeTherapy.com. See you next time.