Real IFS Therapy Session: "Sophia" - Internal Family Systems Therapy Demo Part 2
Real IFS Therapy Session: "Sophia" - Internal Family Systems Therapy Demo Part 2
In this episode of Going Inside: Healing Trauma from the Inside Out, I guide Sophia through a follow-up Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy session, reconnecting with a younger part that we encountered in our last session. We explore this part’s need for trust and safety, working to release burdens and bring light into her inner world.
Key Topics Discussed:
Build trust and safety with parts to show them that the present is free from past dangers.
Our brain symbolizes burdens in many different ways. We use the elements to get rid of them.
Visualizing positive energy or light to replace negative emotions is imperative in our healing journey.
---
Interview Transcript:
[00:00:00] Sophia: She's like holding me and she's like, you can't leave now. You can't leave. Don't leave.
[00:00:08] John: Does she want to come with you into the present?
[00:00:10] Sophia: She's like, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.
[00:00:14] John: Yeah. Let me see any concerns she has about coming to the president or any other parts have concerns about her coming with you.
[00:00:20] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:00:21] Sophia: And there is a part that says you, you can't take care of yourself, so you shouldn't have children with you.
[00:00:29] John: Okay. How do [00:00:30] you respond to that?
[00:00:31] Sophia: I do know how to take care of myself.
[00:00:34] John: Let the part know you are capable of taking care of the little one.
[00:00:37] Sophia: Yeah. And it's just laughing at me. It's trying to control me.
[00:00:48] John: Hey everyone. So before we jump into this real IFS demo session, I wanted to give a little context for the session. This is the second session with this client [00:01:00] and you will see that we are building off of. So last time we had been working with this exile, this young girl who she left on the balcony, the balcony where the little girl had stayed there with the guide that we had encountered and recruited the help of.
[00:01:17] John: You'll see in this session we work with we start by checking in with that part. We eventually work our way towards unburdening the exile. That part with the permission of a protector that came up. So you'll [00:01:30] see me working with her around that protector and then eventually getting to a full unburdening.
[00:01:36] John: So you'll see that toward the end of the session. And we did again, recruit the help of the guide that we encountered last time. So you'll see that as well. All this is to say, please keep in mind. These are demos just for demonstration purposes. If you are not a licensed therapist or a practitioner who's been trained in IFS, please don't attempt this work.
[00:01:56] John: The, my videos are just for educational purposes. Hopefully that goes without saying. [00:02:00] And yeah, this client and I also talked before the session did a little checking in with another protector part that was up that she did not want to have recorded. So that happened right before the session. And yeah, we will continue to build off of this when I meet with her again in about two weeks.
[00:02:15] John: So yeah, hope you are enjoying these. I hope you learn a lot from it. If you have thoughts, questions, feedback for me, you can email john@johnclarketherapy.com. If you're interested in doing a demo and being a client, you can also email [00:02:30] me and and I'd love to talk to you about it. So yeah, thanks for being here and well, let's get started.
[00:02:36] John: Okay. Welcome back. Thanks for doing this again. We were just chatting before hitting record and did a little work with another part and did a little getting current on what's happened between last session and this session. I wanted to make sure we start with that, that little girl that was on the balcony last time, that exile.
[00:02:57] John: And you mentioned that she is maybe [00:03:00] somewhere else now. So maybe we want to start there and see if you can find her.
[00:03:07] Sophia: Yeah, absolutely. So the self got up to the balcony during this week and they were communicating and now they are down in front of the house and they have walked a bit from the house and are walking away and [00:03:30] with them they have like a whole army of like all the animals
[00:03:37] John: Beautiful.
[00:03:39] John: Beautiful. Okay.
[00:03:41] Sophia: Yeah. And she's really furious. This, the little girl, she's so, so angry with her, her parents.
[00:03:49] John: Okay. Do you know what she's angry about?
[00:03:57] Sophia: The violence from dad [00:04:00] and
[00:04:06] Sophia: the, the mess, the, the energy mess that mom and dad creates with their conflicts and that she has to be in the middle of it and can't have a safe space. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:04:18] John: Okay, yeah, okay. So see if you can just reconnect with that girl again and make sure you're connecting directly with her rather, [00:04:30] rather than through like a part of you and see if she can tell you more about that anger.
[00:04:44] Sophia: Like she's got this really big eyes and there's like almost crying and she's so Sad. So sad that she is unsafe.[00:05:00]
[00:05:01] John: Yeah. Can you ask her if she's still unsafe?
[00:05:11] Sophia: No, because now she's with the animals and the adults, me or the self.
[00:05:18] John: Right. Okay.
[00:05:24] John: Yeah, so she feels this need to, in a way, stay ready to fight. [00:05:30] You also want to offer her the possibility of not having to fight anymore or of letting self handle it.
[00:05:39] Sophia: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:05:41] John: Yeah. Okay. So maybe let her know that. See how, how she receives it
[00:05:51] John: or if she believes even just a percentage of it.
[00:05:59] John: that [00:06:00] the violence could in fact be over.
[00:06:10] Sophia: She's like, thank God it's been so long.
[00:06:15] John: Yeah. Okay.
[00:06:21] John: Yeah. How are you feeling toward her?
[00:06:27] Sophia: I feel so sad for her. [00:06:30]
[00:06:31] John: Yeah.
[00:06:31] Sophia: All the things she's been through.
[00:06:34] John: Yeah. See if you can send her that, that sympathy.
[00:06:43] Sophia: Let's see if she can receive it.
[00:06:50] Sophia: No, she doesn't want it. She's like pushing it away.
[00:06:55] John: Okay. Can you ask her what that's about? What's scary about taking some of that [00:07:00] in?
[00:07:03] Sophia: She's like, you just want to manipulate me. You're just going to use me.
[00:07:09] John: Oh, okay. Use you for what?
[00:07:19] Sophia: Like, use my happy energy and then push me down, like to, if you, if you [00:07:30] understand like when she's happy, you take that joy and then push the evil buttons or how to say, so she will feel devastated.
[00:07:40] John: Okay. Is that something that has happened to her before? Can you ask her?
[00:07:44] Sophia: Yeah. Yeah. A lot.
[00:07:47] John: A lot. Okay. Are you going to do that to her?
[00:07:53] Sophia: No.
[00:07:57] John: Okay. So let her know that.[00:08:00]
[00:08:02] John: You might start by just validating that fear that that would happen again and let her know that you're not a person who's going to do that.
[00:08:28] Sophia: Yeah. It's [00:08:30] hard for her to take in.
[00:08:33] John: Of course. She has really good reason to be skeptical.
[00:08:38] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:08:40] John: And a lot of historical proof of things going wrong and people hurting her.
[00:08:47] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:08:47] John: Yeah.
[00:08:53] John: Yeah. So just let her have that. Just acknowledge that that, that is real and that happened in her skepticism [00:09:00] makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:09:09] Sophia: Yeah, she's like saying go, go away, leave me alone.
[00:09:14] John: Oh, okay. All right. What's your instinct there? Do you want to give her a little space? Do you want to maybe just hang out on the other side of the room from where she is or wherever?
[00:09:24] Sophia: I want to watch her still, but from a [00:09:30] distance. Yeah.
[00:09:33] John: Yeah, that sounds right. So try that and let her know that you're going to give her some space, but watch her from a distance and you might just keep sending that. That love and compassion toward her just from a distance.
[00:09:56] Sophia: Yeah. Then she starts crying. She's like sitting in a corner and [00:10:00] just crying.
[00:10:01] John: Oh,
[00:10:05] John: okay. Now what do you want to do? What's your instinct?
[00:10:12] Sophia: I want to pick her up and hold her.
[00:10:17] John: Okay. See if that's okay with her. Let's see if that's what she wants.
[00:10:24] Sophia: Yeah, she does want that.[00:10:30]
[00:10:39] Sophia: Yeah. And I can lift her up and she's crying on my shoulder.
[00:10:47] John: Yeah. Yeah. Great. Just, just be there with her. Also keep tracking that in your body.[00:11:00]
[00:11:03] Sophia: Yeah. There's a lot of tingling in, in my body. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:11:14] Sophia: It's like something is moving in or I have to say.
[00:11:21] John: Does it feel like a good thing moving in?
[00:11:24] Sophia: Yeah. Yeah. Very, very positive.
[00:11:27] John: Okay. Yeah. So [00:11:30] let that continue to move in. Just see if you can develop that feeling. Okay. Let that expand.
[00:11:41] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:11:49] Sophia: Yeah. It feels much better. It feels like we are friends now.
[00:11:58] John: Okay.[00:12:00]
[00:12:03] John: Yeah. Maybe ask her what else she needs from you, if anything.
[00:12:15] Sophia: She says, I need you not to hit me and not be violent towards me.
[00:12:23] John: Okay. Can you promise that?
[00:12:26] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:12:26] John: Does that feel right? Offer her that. [00:12:30] Just look her right in the eye and promise her that.
[00:12:48] Sophia: No, it's like she wants to hit me. Like she.
[00:12:51] John: Okay.
[00:12:53] Sophia: Yeah. When I look her in the eye, she's like, there's so much anger from the past [00:13:00] violence. So she wants to take it out on me.
[00:13:04] John: Okay. Is she blaming you for not keeping her safe? back then. Is that why she's hitting you?
[00:13:27] Sophia: Yeah, I guess. I think so. [00:13:30] Yeah.
[00:13:31] John: Maybe ask her if that's why just to confirm.
[00:13:40] Sophia: Yeah. You didn't keep me safe.
[00:13:43] John: Okay.
[00:13:48] John: Okay. Yeah. Maybe you can acknowledge that, that you didn't keep her safe then, but You're promising to keep her safe now.[00:14:00]
[00:14:13] Sophia: Yeah. She's like, that's bullshit. Yeah.
[00:14:18] John: She doesn't quite trust
[00:14:19] Sophia: it. No.
[00:14:23] John: That kind of makes sense. Right. She's got a lot of reasons to, to not trust or to [00:14:30] be slow to trust.
[00:14:36] John: So it might be. an ongoing conversation around her being able to see that that danger is not coming back into your life, that you are in fact an adult and have escaped that situation where the, the harm was there, but it's not now. It just might take some time for her to really see that.[00:15:00]
[00:15:05] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:15:20] Sophia: I guess there's also like another aspect that since my father's violence, His violence [00:15:30] stopped, but I continued to do violence towards myself through
[00:15:34] John: yeah.
[00:15:35] Sophia: Destructive relationships and eating disorders and whatever, so there's still violence Okay. Coming in.
[00:15:43] John: Okay. Ask the girl about that. Ask the girl about those, those forms of violence.
[00:15:51] John: And this might go without saying, and I should have said it in the beginning, but this can and maybe should be in your native language by the way. internally. [00:16:00]
[00:16:01] Sophia: Okay.
[00:16:02] John: If that feels right.
[00:16:08] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:16:14] Sophia: Yeah. And then she's like, well, you're just continuing to do more stupid stuff and there's more violence. It doesn't matter if it's that or Addiction, it's still violence, and I'm not safe.[00:16:30]
[00:16:35] John: Yeah, what do you want to say to
[00:16:37] Sophia: that?
[00:16:49] Sophia: Like, I want to say that I'm sorry, and I don't really know how to get out of it, but I'm working on it really hard. [00:17:00]
[00:17:01] John: Yeah, tell her and show her that you're working on it. That you get those messages. various forms of violence coming from others and inflicted on yourself
[00:17:16] John: and you're in a chapter of your life right now working to close those loops and heal those wounds[00:17:30]
[00:17:30] John: and reestablish safety for her and all your partners and that process takes time.
[00:17:41] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:17:45] Sophia: Yeah. She's like, well, you better, I deserve so much. You better work on it. You better solve it.
[00:17:55] John: Okay. How does that feel?[00:18:00]
[00:18:04] Sophia: Yeah. Well, I'm glad she's got confidence but I'm also afraid I'm going to hurt her again. Like if I don't succeed or whatever.
[00:18:16] John: Yeah. So the one difference now can be that no matter what happens or if you slip up She's no longer alone in that and no longer has to be the one to bear the brunt of that or take [00:18:30] ownership of it or be responsible for it.
[00:18:35] John: She can actually come behind you and let you lead. And that might be something you have to continue to ask her to do if she's willing to do is to let me lead, let me drive the bus. And it might be an ongoing negotiation around that, understandably, given the history and. Yeah.[00:19:00]
[00:19:03] Sophia: Oh, she says like, you're, you're not a good driver. Oh, okay.
[00:19:15] Sophia: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:19:23] Sophia: Yeah. I'm doing my best to like solve everything and get everything sorted out. [00:19:30]
[00:19:30] John: That's right.
[00:19:32] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:19:33] John: Can you show her to take that one step further, show her what you're doing or show her like. Yeah. What we're doing in this session or this type of therapy, show her the other therapies you're doing, show her the group that you're going to.
[00:19:50] John: She might not be fully aware of those.[00:20:00]
[00:20:00] John: Just take her on a little tour of all those things you're doing.
[00:20:25] Sophia: Now she wasn't aware. She's like, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, [00:20:30] you're doing that.
[00:20:37] John: Yeah. Interesting for her to become aware of that.
[00:20:47] John: Yeah, I thought she knew. Yeah, yeah, it's good that she knows now.
[00:20:57] John: So last time we met and recruited the help of [00:21:00] this this guide, this kind of grandmother wolf figure. I'm curious if you've had contact with her or if you would want to invite her now to be any part of this.
[00:21:16] Sophia: Yeah, I've been in contact with her since last time and she's been a great help. Yeah.
[00:21:23] John: Oh, great.
[00:21:24] Sophia: So yeah, I would love to invite her now as well.
[00:21:28] John: Okay, let's see how that [00:21:30] goes.
[00:21:46] Sophia: Yeah, it's like she's dressing the little girl, like getting her ready for school or life.
[00:21:56] John: Okay. Yeah. That sounds important. [00:22:00] It sounds like she knows just what to do with this little girl.
[00:22:06] Sophia: Yeah. Yeah. She needs clothes on her body and needs to, needs to get ready.
[00:22:13] John: Yeah. Yeah. So just notice that happening with the three of you there.
[00:22:23] Sophia: Yeah. Now there's finally some order in the energies. [00:22:30] Right. Yeah. I noticed that.
[00:22:39] Sophia: Yeah. Now it's more like a family.
[00:22:42] John: Huh.
[00:22:45] Sophia: Yeah. More like what the family should be like with no energy drama.
[00:22:56] John: Yeah. Okay. Beautiful. So yeah, just [00:23:00] take that and let that develop.
[00:23:08] Sophia: Yeah. Then I feel kind of proud of my family.
[00:23:13] John: Yeah. Let them know.[00:23:30]
[00:23:31] Sophia: Yeah. They're, they're both kind of looking at me and yeah, the little girl is like looking for confirmation, like in a good way. She's also really proud of herself that she has some nice clothes on and the wolf just looks wise.
[00:23:52] John: Yeah. Right. You're welcome.[00:24:00]
[00:24:00] John: We've got just a couple minutes left. So I want you just to check and see what the girl might need from you after today as a follow up or anything else she needs right now in this moment. Or does the wolf want to stay with her? Does she want the wolf to stay with her? Just see what needs to happen next.
[00:24:25] Sophia: She's like holding me and she's like. You can't [00:24:30] leave now. You can't leave. Don't leave.
[00:24:34] John: Does she want to come with you into the present?
[00:24:44] Sophia: She's like, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.
[00:24:47] John: Oh, okay. Yeah. Let me see if any concerns she has about coming to the present or any other parts have concerns about her coming with you
[00:24:59] John: or any [00:25:00] other parts. Maybe don't, don't fully trust you to take care of her.
[00:25:16] Sophia: Yeah, there is a part that says, yeah. You can't take care of yourself, so you shouldn't have children with you.
[00:25:28] John: Okay, how do you want to respond to [00:25:30] that?
[00:25:34] Sophia: I do know how to take care of myself.
[00:25:39] John: Okay, let the part know, let the part know you are capable of taking care of the little one.
[00:25:58] Sophia: Yeah, it's [00:26:00] just laughing at me. It's trying to control me.
[00:26:10] John: Can you ask this part about its fears around you helping the girl or your ability to help the girl? What could go wrong here?[00:26:30]
[00:26:30] Sophia: I could die and
[00:26:36] Sophia: then I guess the girl would also die.
[00:26:43] John: Okay. Yeah. Does that make sense to you?
[00:26:47] Sophia: No, I don't know what I would die from, but I recognize the fear from my father implementing this fear of always doing wrong. So it's kind of that [00:27:00] part. Okay.
[00:27:01] John: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That fear of doing wrong.
[00:27:08] John: Yeah. So this part really has concerns about your ability to take care of the little girl.
[00:27:15] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:27:20] Sophia: But it feels good that I stood up against it.
[00:27:23] John: Okay. Sorry. All right. Yeah. No. You might ask the part what, what would need to happen in order [00:27:30] for it to trust you a little more to help this little girl.
[00:27:39] Sophia: It says you, you need to take care of me.
[00:27:43] John: Oh, okay. So this part needs some care from you as well. Yeah. What would that look like right now?
[00:27:55] Sophia: Well, it's so old. It's part, it's[00:28:00]
[00:28:02] Sophia: so sensitive. Okay. It's like it's in a wheelchair and like hasn't got much long to live help, helpless. What would it need? Care.
[00:28:20] John: Okay.
[00:28:24] Sophia: Yeah. I can do that.
[00:28:27] John: Okay.[00:28:30]
[00:28:32] Sophia: I never wanted to care for it before. I know that I have been ignoring it.
[00:28:37] John: Yeah. And it's notice how it's different now. You're willing and able to care for it.
[00:28:46] Sophia: Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's an old grandfather or something.
[00:28:56] John: Yeah.
[00:28:59] Sophia: [00:29:00] Yeah. It reminded me too much of my dad for me to be willing to care for it.
[00:29:05] John: That makes sense.
[00:29:07] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:29:12] Sophia: Yeah, no, I care for it.
[00:29:14] John: Okay, great.
[00:29:19] John: So you might turn back to the girl and see. If then it's okay to bring her with you to the present or if parts still have concerns, which is completely okay.[00:29:30]
[00:29:32] John: We can always come back to this.
[00:29:37] Sophia: Yeah. First, first she wants to say hi to the grandpa,
[00:29:47] Sophia: like they, they have to meet first.
[00:29:50] John: Okay. Great.
[00:29:57] Sophia: They are reuniting.
[00:29:59] John: Wow.
[00:29:59] Sophia: [00:30:00] And they, yeah, they, they need to be together. Wow. Yeah. Notice that.
[00:30:13] Sophia: Yeah. That's beautiful.
[00:30:18] John: Yeah. Wow.
[00:30:24] Sophia: Yeah. So he's also part of the family now with the [00:30:30] wolf and that feels good. I'm going to ask her if she wants to come now.
[00:30:37] John: Yeah. Or if she wants to stay with the others, that's okay too. It's really up to her.
[00:30:56] Sophia: Yeah. Now she wants to join to the present. [00:31:00]
[00:31:01] John: Okay. Okay. So bring her all the way with you. It's the, the president
[00:31:11] John: could be into the room that you're in right now, somewhere in your body, somewhere real or imaginary you might be sitting beside you or on your lap. Let's see where she wants to go. Like she's[00:31:30]
[00:31:31] Sophia: standing by the window and like looking out and like, Oh, is this how you have it? This is really interesting. I want to go outside and play.
[00:31:42] John: Great. Yeah. That sounds like a great thing for her to do. Now that she's here in the present, I want you just to ask her, is there anything she wants your help getting rid of?
[00:31:54] John: Thoughts, feelings, beliefs she's been carrying, anything she wants to get out or release from her [00:32:00] body?
[00:32:00] Sophia: Well, she speaks in terms of animals for sure, because she's saying, Oh, I need to get rid of all of these frogs. Okay. Toads. Yeah. Okay. See if you
[00:32:16] John: can help her get rid of the frogs, yeah, and see where she wants, what she wants to do with them.[00:32:30]
[00:32:40] Sophia: She wants to put, put them in like a plastic bag and throw them away.
[00:32:47] John: Okay. Okay. So be there with her as she does that and help her do that.
[00:32:56] John: She can remove whatever percentage of those frogs that she's ready [00:33:00] to. Some percentage, or maybe it is all of them.
[00:33:24] Sophia: Yeah. Things should put like all of them in the garbage [00:33:30] bin.
[00:33:31] John: Hey, great.
[00:33:36] John: Yeah. So now ask her, is there anything she wants to replace those frogs with new animals or new qualities, colors, energy, light,
[00:33:55] Sophia: yeah, light. She wants a lot of light, bright light. [00:34:00]
[00:34:00] John: Okay, so let her fill that space up with bright light. Just be with her as she does that.
[00:34:09] John: Perhaps the other parts want to watch.
[00:34:25] Sophia: Yeah, she's like flying up towards the [00:34:30] sky and her whole chest is just being filled with light.
[00:34:35] John: Wow.
[00:34:55] Sophia: Yeah. And she's just like hoovering in the air, like just outside [00:35:00] my window and I'm like on the third floor.
[00:35:04] John: Wow. Okay. Beautiful. So before we wrap up, I just ask her where she wants to settle and what else she needs from you as a follow up after today.[00:35:30]
[00:35:31] Sophia: Well, she saw a really nice. ice cream shop where we were at walking before she wants to settle there. Okay. Until next time. Okay. Perfect. She would. Yeah. Until next time from me, she would want[00:36:00]
[00:36:02] Sophia: that. I'd come and say hello from time to time.
[00:36:07] John: Great. Is that something you're willing to do?
[00:36:11] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:36:13] John: Yeah. Great. So let her know you'll do that and let the other parts know that you'll do that.
[00:36:26] John: Yeah. And again, just track where this is [00:36:30] happening in your body, where it's landing, what's shifting for you.
[00:36:37] Sophia: Yeah. It's like the parts are saying, wow, this is the first time you're going to keep a promise or they it's the first time they understand that I will keep.
[00:36:51] John: Yeah. Yeah. So they're
[00:36:53] Sophia: really proud of me.
[00:36:55] Sophia: Yeah.
[00:36:56] John: Yeah. Take that in.[00:37:00]
[00:37:01] John: Yeah. Yeah. Feel that pride.
[00:37:04] Sophia: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Someone has faith in me. That feels really good.
[00:37:10] John: Right. Of course. We've got a pause here, but we'll pick up next time. And we'll chat a little bit after we pause the recording. So thank you again for doing this.
[00:37:24] Sophia: Yeah. Thank you so much. Of course.
[00:37:27] John: My pleasure. Thanks for [00:37:30] listening to another episode of going inside. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe wherever you're listening or watching and share your favorite episode with a friend.
[00:37:38] John: You can follow me on Instagram, @JohnClarkeTherapy and apply to work with me one on one at JohnClarkeTherapy. com. See you next time.
Download my Free IFS Meditation:
https://www.johnclarketherapy.com/free
Connect with me:
https://www.instagram.com/johnclarketherapy/