Real IFS Therapy Session with "Sarah" - Internal Family Systems Demo Pt. 2
Real IFS Therapy Session with "Sarah" - Internal Family Systems Demo Pt. 2
In this episode of the Going Inside Podcast, I do a second live Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy demo with Sarah, revisiting her journey of addressing heavy emotional burdens and discovering the power of creativity and play. We explore blocked imagination, a sense of responsibility for others' emotions, and the effects of reconnecting with playful, lighthearted parts. The session includes an unburdening process and Sarah learns how bringing creativity into daily life can foster emotional balance and resilience.
*This is part 1 of a 3-part series of real Internal Family Systems therapy sessions
*Please note that the client's name has been changed to protect their privacy.
Reconnecting with imaginative parts can help reframe heavy emotions and create space for joy and lightness.
Releasing emotional burdens allows space for new, positive qualities like lightness, music, and playful energy to take root.
Building relationships with parts helps manage challenging interactions and turn serious situations into opportunities for growth and play.
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Interview Transcript:
John: [00:00:00] Going Inside is a podcast on a mission to help people heal from trauma and reconnect with their authentic self. Join me, trauma therapist John Clarke, for guest interviews, real life therapy sessions, and soothing guided meditations. Whether you're navigating your own trauma, helping others heal from trauma, or simply yearning for a deeper understanding of yourself, Going Inside is your companion on the path to healing and self discovery.
Download free guided meditations and apply to work with me one on one at JohnClarkeTherapy.com. Thanks for being here. Let's dive in. Hey, this is John. Just really quick jumping in here to say thanks for checking out this IFS demo. What you're about to see is the second session that I've done with this particular person.
And so some of the session is a follow up from last time, checking in with some parts that we had worked with, and then the session takes off in some totally new directions. We encounter some new parts. That are related, but also have separate issues from last [00:01:00] time. And we get to know a number of different types of parts.
And so you'll see that and then toward the end just naturally, there's a bit of an unburdening that happens with multiple parts at the same time. So I hope you find that interesting. A lot of what I was doing was really just trying to go with her and follow her lead and go with her system because she had a good deal of self energy.
And so that meant that I could trust that the work. was pretty safe and she could really lead the session. So that's why this session looks like this and you'll see me doing a lot less in this session. Yeah, I hope you find it interesting as always. Quick disclaimer, please do not attempt using IFS or doing IFS with real people.
Unless you have formal training and are qualified to use the model, it's really powerful stuff. Yeah, and that being said, this demo is just for educational purposes only. So I hope you, you learned something and yeah, thanks for checking it out. Okay. Welcome back. Thank you again for doing this.
This is our second session here doing another [00:02:00] IFS demo. So for folks just tuning in This session might make a little more sense if you watch or listen to the last session, but if not, you can just jump right, in with what we're doing today. Yeah, that being said, where do you want to start?
Sarah: Okay. I think I'd like to maybe go with this kind of heavy feeling that I have, which I think that sense of responsibility for other people, really.
John: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we can definitely do that. I know last time toward the end, we were working with this four year old part and there was some, we were doing some work around, yeah what can I tolerate in terms of other people's feelings or when other people have big feelings?
Is it going to be too much for me? Do I need to shield against it? Can I be around it without taking it on as my own? But I'm curious if you're aware of that four [00:03:00] year old part right now, or if you can connect with it at all.
Sarah: It's feeling more relaxed because I've had so many experiences lately of other people's feelings in my body And it's this little four year old. She's seen that I'm getting better Dealing with it. So it's feeling a little bit better You know, karma about it all.
John: Yeah, that, that seems like a big deal.
Sarah: Yeah, like she's smiling. She's quite feeling quite, be hopeful.
John: Yeah.
And as you close your eyes there, what, what happens?
Sarah: It's a really quite a strong sensation, around the stomach area.
Some Yeah, heaviness. It's like I can't breathe all the way into my stomach.
John: I see.
One idea might be to ask inside if there's a part [00:04:00] that is partially blocking the breath. I
would also just ask inside if any parts have fears or concerns around doing another demo here with me, or the fact that other people will see this.
Sarah: No it's like a part that, It's almost, I wouldn't say always there, but it's there a lot of the time. It just sits there a lot and yeah,it's an expectant part. It's like it's sitting there almost like on watch, waiting for somebody to need something, for somebody to want something, for somebody to bring something to me. Oh, I've got to deal with it.
John: Wow. Okay. Yeah. Can you ask this part in your belly to tell you more about its job and how it got its [00:05:00] job or the first time it did its job?
Sarah: It's a restriction in the throat as well. People are always expecting something from me. Yeah. And I'm not allowed to say anything. I just have to do what's expected.
John: And can you ask the part, what happens if it doesn't do what people expect?
Sarah: It says I don't want to hurt them. And yeah, so it's that idea that they're going to be upset. They're going to be unhappy. I don't like it when people are unhappy. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want to be the cause of their unhappiness.
John: I see.
Sarah: Because what would happen then? I don't feel any bad. I'm nice. I don't want to be [00:06:00] horrible to other people. Oh, I see. Yeah. There's a real sadness coming up. Kind of around the heart area. It's a real tightness there. There's lots of different translations, different places. So I want to make room for whatever part needs your help the most today. This part that just said it has concerns about kind of
John: being misunderstood. This part that says I'm nice and I fear perceived, being perceived as not nice. Is that more or less right?
Sarah: No, it's not that i'm afraid of what how they will see me It's that I just don't want to upset other people it feels bad for me when I upset other people I see. Yeah, it goes against who I am. I want to be kind
John: Yeah, okay. Yeah. I'm someone who doesn't upset other [00:07:00] people
Sarah: Yeah But that's really heavy. It's So impossible. I'm feeling it in the head now. It's like possible. Yeah.
John: Yeah.
Sarah: If you're always trying to be nice, it's, it just doesn't work. Yeah. It seems like it must come at a cost.
John: And I wonder what that cost might be for this part.
Sarah: When I, I guess always trying to do what they want, what they need to figure things out for them. Just. just too much. It's, it's like tiring and It doesn't give me enough time and space for me, and they just come to expect more always. The more you give, the more they want. [00:08:00]
John: Yeah. Who's they?
Sarah: Right now, it's my children, but I guess, when I was little, it was my parents.
John: Right.
Sarah: Never enough. Parents, grandparents, carers, whoever was looking after me, just always wanted more.
John: I see. Yeah. Can you have the part tell you more about that? Moments in which, or a moment in which what this part of you was giving was not enough.
People only wanted more.
Sarah: Yeah. And something that popped up earlier was like this childminder I had who, sellotape my hand to the table because table six, this hand was expected to be on the table, not under the table. Cool. And it was just one of those things, so many things. Oh yes. And she doesn't eat [00:09:00] this and she should eat that. And, and, oh, she's so fussy and, oh, she moves too much.
Oh, she's always jiggling. Oh, she, there's just, there was always something wrong, always doing something wrong.
Always trying to figure out what they want. For themselves, what they want from me, what's going to make everybody else happy. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm feeling, it's like a double whammy because when I don't do what they want, need, I can feel their feelings. in my body. And I also feel bad for, not being able to make everybody happy.
John: Yeah.
Sarah: I don't know what to do with all that. It just sits in my body. I can't get rid of it. It doesn't feel good. Yeah.
John: Is this the part saying I can't get rid of it? Is it more of you saying I can't get rid of it?
Sarah: It's my experience now, [00:10:00] but it's like hard To have it in just sits there.
John: Yeah, to what degree is this part aware of you right now?
Sarah: Yeah, I think she could see me.
John: Yeah, what's that like for her to see you and for you to see her?
Sarah: She's saying she's sending all these sensations to me. She wants me to feel. What she felt all these different things that I'm feeling in my body is what she was, what she's feeling, what she was feeling.
John: Okay. And is that okay for you? Is it too much?
Sarah: It's okay.
John: Maybe see if you can just do your best to really witness her story and her pain just for her to be seen by you right now.
Sarah: She says it hurts and she wants somebody to take it all away.
John: Okay. Are you [00:11:00] capable of taking it away?
Sarah: I'm capable of making sure that people treat her and don't have so many expectations of her. She doesn't have to feel this way. Yeah. And maybe we can play a game and then in that game we can play a game where she just Gets rid of all the different feelings. Great idea.
John: Yeah see what she thinks about that idea.
Sarah: Yeah, I think she likes that idea. Yeah. She wants to make it a silly game. It has to be extra silly. Okay, yeah, makes sense. Like really fun. Be like really creative and just give the different sensations I don't know, make them into silly creatures or something. And then just talk about how they're going to come out and where they're going to go and what they're going to do. Like maybe [00:12:00] give them a story or something, like just make it like a really fun way. Yeah. I love it. There's the part of me that's a bit worried because, Like my creativity was stifled, my imagination was stifled, so part of me that's like a little bit worried about being able to imagine, creatures and stories, I can make it really fun.
John: Yeah. How stifled does it feel right now?
Sarah: The little girl really believes that we can do this. Yeah. I'll say it. I'll say it. There's the other part that says, but can you really do that?
John: Yeah.
Sarah: Can you come up? Oh, it's going to be hard work is what the other part says.
John: Yeah. I get that.
And it seems like the little girl has more than enough creativity to go around.
Sarah: [00:13:00] She really loves the idea.
John: Yeah. So maybe just let her lead this moment and that part that's afraid that you might not have enough access to creativity can hang out nearby or can watch what's happening or could even take part in the game but not have to be responsible for bringing all the creativity.
Sarah: There's a sense that she wants to like work on each sensation and just Get rid of it one by one, but there's again that kind of block of like coming up with this way of imagining that particular sensation and then just, getting out.
John: Yeah. So maybe focus on the block for a second, or if there's a part that's blocking or [00:14:00] has doubts about how helpful this playing this game could be, or is there a part that has concerns about the little girl not doing this job of feeling for everyone anymore?
Sarah: The imagination, a blocked imagination part. It's there's no point in imagining things. Things never change. You never get any better.
John: Oh, okay. Does that part think you're still back there at that age in mom and dad's house?
Sarah: That part is saying, yeah, but even as an adult, you just can't. Repeat some of the same patterns, some of the same things.
John: I see.
Sarah: Come up, you come up with the same problems.
John: How true does that feel to you?
Sarah: It's partly true and obviously partly untrue.
John: Yeah. Can you just let that part know that you,
Sarah: you get [00:15:00] it and you're working on it? In fact, you actually share the same goal of doing it less. Yes. That part is stuck in the throat because it really, when I spoke of what it said, it, it released some of the constriction in the throat.
John: Okay. Is there more of that needs to happen? Giving voice to this part in the throat, giving it the microphone or even a megaphone?
Sarah: Feels like it's having a bit of a tantrum. Like I'm sick of things never changing. Like things always being the same and you know, It's stamping its feet and saying enough
John: are you sick of it too?
Sarah: Yeah, there's no point in imagining anything, I think he's saying. It's yeah, it's just, and there's that, oh, there, They're all about the boring everyday stuff that we have to [00:16:00] do all the time. There's no, no place anyway for imagining thing. And going into this silly world, they just think it's silly pointless.
John: Yeah. Things feel heavy and serious and
Sarah: yeah. It's always serious. Yeah, heavy, serious, practical.
John: Yeah, see if you can just let the part know that you get that, that it does feel that way. Maybe you even share in some of its desperation.
Sarah: And again, there's some grief, some sadness that's it's almost like imagination. It's like this part is actually imagination and it's saying, fine, nobody wants me. Find them. I'll just won't be there. I'll shut down because I'm not wanted. I'm not needed. I'm, pointless So that's how it's going to be fine.
John: Okay, do you see the part is pointless? [00:17:00]
Sarah: No, I don't I think can you let it know?
John: Yeah, let it know you think it's amazing.
Sarah: I think it's beautiful and color Exciting
John: yeah, let it know all of that
Sarah: It opens doors and possibilities and it's like magical and fun.
John: Yeah. How interested in this part is it of just letting you handle the adult stuff and letting this part just be magical and fun?
Sarah: Sorry, what was the question?
John: See if the part's interested in letting you handle the adult stuff in life, the serious stuff, so that this part can just be magical and colorful and fun.
Sarah: I'm actually asking if you'd like, if it would like to collaborate with me and be all the the magical and the fun and the bright and colorful and exciting and how [00:18:00] that would make the kind of the boring everyday things more interesting actually.
John: Great.
Sarah: I would be really grateful for it being there all the time or you know whenever it wants to be there just I would really welcome it.
Absolutely. It would create lightness inside me, actually. It would feel really light and what is it that I'm seeing? It's I don't know, a bit like a child kind of skipping and hopping and, like almost not touching the floor, just going ding, ding, really like this. It feels very light.
John: Yeah. And how does that lightness feel in your body now?
Sarah: I am feeling a lot. lighter actually. It does feel like I'm seeing how this part can also help when I'm dealing with other people's [00:19:00] things and their feelings are coming and just bringing the imagination and kind of let it either take me somewhere else or just look at the situation in a different way or just be like fun and playful with it you know just be a bit like a bit silly with it a bit like just turn something that seems so serious. Into something that is actually just a little bit like it's not really serious, you know It doesn't really matter that much
John: right?
Sarah: Yeah. Wow. I can really see how this pot. It's really important it's just
John: Yeah, let it know that let it know that you see how important it is. Yeah,
Sarah: you can do so much Yeah,
John: so we got a few minutes left. I [00:20:00] want you to imagine Inviting all these parts to come into the present with you, into this present moment right now that could be coming into the room that you're in, or somewhere imaginary, wherever it is, as long as it's all the way here in the present and not back there. And just see who wants to come.
Sarah: The little girl is really excited. She wants to make imagination her best friend.
John: Okay, great.
Sarah: They're just like, she's oh, if we can play together all the time, that's going to be really cool. And it's like the part that felt heavy, it was like the flip part of the imagination part, so it's the same part really, but it's it's like the blocked imagination is the heavy part. So when the imagination gets to play, it just feels light instead of [00:21:00] feeling heavy. Wonderful.
John: Yeah. So see if you can just allow these parts to find a new home here in the present.
Sarah: Yeah, they're in the form of we've got this a teddy, but that's like a hand puppet that I used to use with my son when he was little and he'd get angry and he couldn't really communicate. Professor Nutty's very funny and we used to create funny stories. And it's they, these, The little girl and the imagination, they're like getting together and they're going to be like with Professor Nutty.
They can create lots of happy, fun scenes together and have lots of play time and. Remind me to, let them be there so that they can do their job.
John: Yeah. Wonderful.
Sarah: Quite excited. I think it's three of them. They're just going to be like together.
John: Sorry.
Sarah: Imagination is it's a bit like a genie in Aladdin. [00:22:00] Yeah.
John: Now that they're here. You might make another invitation, which is if any parts want to get rid of anything here, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or anything inside their bodies, they want to get rid of, they might do that separately or all together.
Sarah: Getting them to like, yeah, we've dumped a big bag of rocks in your stomach and we've turned it into little lights that are just coming in.
Like memories fell down, but there's all these like little lights, they just feel. Very nice making their way up to the throat as well, like going into the throat area. Just, oh yeah, in the throat, the music notes. Music notes. Oh, wow. Now they can just come out with notes. It was very playful. It was quite fun.
John: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. [00:23:00] So just be there with them and they can get rid of whatever percentage they want to get rid of that they're ready to get rid of. And as a last offering, you might also see if they want to replace with anything, what they got rid of, if they want to replace anything in that space, instilling new qualities.
Sarah: It's like now yeah, the music notes and the lights are replacing what was there before. So it's yeah, they've taken the place of what was there, they replaced it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like pebbles in my throat, just getting rid of all those pebbles and things that are just not there. Yeah. Music notes instead. Making them dance as well, they're dancing music notes and lots of little lights in the stomach. It's just like little bubbles.
John: [00:24:00] Yeah. They're already doing it on their own.
Sarah: Bubbles. Yeah, very light. Good.
John: Great.
Sarah: Thank you.
John: Yeah. Wonderful. So you might just ask, before we wrap up, ask inside what these parts might need or want from you as a follow up after today?
Sarah: I just really want me to remember them when I am dealing with them. Other people's feelings or expectations or whatever, just remember that it's just turn it into something fun, playful, creative, whatever. Just bring them into play, basically.
John: Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. Can you let them know you'll do that?
Sarah: I'm telling them they can start singing a really loud song in my head, remind me. Yeah. [00:25:00]
John: Be as musical as they want. Okay.
Sarah: That's good.
John: Thank you again for doing this again today.
Sarah: Thank you very much.
John: You're very welcome. We'll end the recording. Debrief for a couple of minutes, but thank you again. Thanks for listening to another episode of going inside. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe wherever you're listening or watching and share your favorite episode with a friend.
You can follow me on Instagram, @JohnClarkeTherapy and apply to work with me one-on-one at JohnClarkeTherapy.com. See you next time.