Real IFS Therapy Session: "Laura" - Internal Family Systems Therapy Demo
Real IFS Therapy Session: "Laura" - Internal Family Systems Therapy Demo
In this episode of Going Inside: Healing Trauma From the Inside Out, I guide my client “Laura” through a live Internal Family Systems demo. We delve into her struggles with depression post-college, the pressure from unmet expectations, and her journey towards self-compassion and understanding.
Key Topics Discussed:
Depression and Unmet Potential
Laura opens up about how she felt lost and immobilized by depression after graduating from college, this made her feel stuck and disconnected from the things she loved and studied for.
Spirit Guides
We connect with one of Laura's spirit guides who appears as a younger part from that tough time.
Self-Compassion
I guide Laura in having a compassionate conversation with this part, acknowledging the shame and grief she felt during that time.
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Interview Transcript:
[00:00:00] John: What does that part look like or sound like?
[00:00:02] Laura: Yeah, I think they're more of like A parent part. Yeah, but not in the aspirational parent way. It's more of like the parent that's like, you know, wake up early for work. Just, yeah, it's the self that's always, or the part of me that's always criticizing me when I'm not doing, when I'm not living out the ideal version of my [00:00:30] life or my day.
[00:00:37] John: Going inside is a podcast on a mission to help people heal from trauma and reconnect with their authentic self. Join me, trauma therapist, John Clarke for guest interviews, real life therapy sessions, and soothing guided meditations. Whether you're navigating your own trauma, helping others heal from trauma, or simply yearning for a deeper understanding of yourself, Going Inside is your companion on the path to healing and [00:01:00] self discovery.
[00:01:01] John: Download free guided meditations and apply to work with me one on one at johnclarketherapy.com. Thanks for being here. Let's dive in. Hey everyone, before we get started with this demo, I just wanted to give you a bit of a preface to this session. First of all, when I opened the invitation a while back for anyone who's interested in doing an IFS demo with me for the podcast slash YouTube channel I've had a quite a bit of interest and a bunch of people reaching out.
[00:01:29] John: And [00:01:30] so this demo that you're about to see with this client, some things to know is number one, I got a sense that she has a long history of doing her own personal work. She practices meditation on a regular basis. She's done intensive experiences with meditation and various kinds of, of healing arts.
[00:01:48] John: And so when you. In my experience, when you go into someone's system like that, using IFS, you might encounter a system that is more open, more fluid. There's a good bit of self [00:02:00] energy to bring toward the parts, so things can often open up more quickly. And you'll see that that happened to an extent in this session.
[00:02:07] John: You'll also see pretty early on, we encountered a part that ended up seeming like two parts, and then one of those parts Ended up seeming like what IFS and some in the, some people in the IFS circles might consider a spirit guide or really whatever you want to call it. So I hope you enjoy this demo.
[00:02:28] John: Hopefully it goes without saying, [00:02:30] but a bit of a disclaimer, of course, please do not do this work or attempt this work unless you are a trained therapist or. Practitioner, make sure that you know how to do this work safely. Make sure that if you are doing it and you do have training and supervision and IFS that you have a sufficient degree of self energy to go in and do this work and can do it safely and responsibly. So yeah, that's all for now. [00:03:00] I hope you enjoy. This session. And yeah, please let me know your feedback, whether that's in the comments on YouTube, or you can always email me, john@johnclarketherapy.com. Thanks again for checking this out and talk to you soon. Thank you again for doing this and let me know what you want to work on today.
[00:03:18] Laura: Well, I guess I seem to have like a creative block as far as just establishing a [00:03:30] creative practice, like a regular practice. I've found through my own reflection that like transitions are hard for me and it's a transition into a really vulnerable state. really deep transition, you know? So I find it to be to just often feel energetically like too much and so I just avoid it [00:04:00] most days unless I have like a large chunk of time.
[00:04:02] Laura: Like I seem to equate the depth of work with like, I need to have a huge chunk of time. And so I just rarely stick with it. Yeah.
[00:04:19] John: Yeah. Okay. Great. We can definitely work on this when you, when you don't stick with it. What thoughts do you have about that happening?
[00:04:29] Laura: I [00:04:30] mean, it's just kind of like in the back of my mind, like I, I must feel guilt Where I'm like, Oh, I'm supposed to be working on this and like my true self knows that and they're like frustrated with me or disappointed.
[00:04:51] Laura: Yeah.
[00:04:55] John: All right. So I'm just going to reflect a little [00:05:00] bit of what I heard so far. And kind of what we're doing here is with the idea of working with parts where Looking to identify parts. So you mentioned perhaps the part that struggles with the the discipline of it, or like getting getting going and doing this consistently, doing the work consistently.
[00:05:21] John: A part that struggles with transitions. A part that says I'm supposed to be, you know, working, working on this or part that's disappointed [00:05:30] that I'm not working on this more. Yeah.
[00:05:35] Laura: Yeah, totally. And, you know, some of that might be like a part that is not actually coming from myself that kind of comes from like this. you know, kind of this like Judeo Christian idea of like, you should be doing something. And but [00:06:00] it also might be coming from like a wise part of myself that knows that it's meaningful work and it's the work that I believe
[00:06:13] Laura: is on my path, you know so yeah.
[00:06:18] John: Okay. Yeah. So one invitation would be to shift your focus inside here and it can be with eyes open or closed. [00:06:30] One way to start the work is to notice what's happening in your body right now as you talk about all this. And as we name these various parts
[00:06:38] Laura: I don't know. I think, I mean, I feel kind of in my chest, like a tightness and just like a repulsion for even talking about it. Kind of an embarrassment. Yeah.
[00:06:54] John: Okay. Let's focus first on the embarrassment and [00:07:00] say more about what you notice with the embarrassment.
[00:07:05] Laura: Just,
[00:07:19] Laura: I guess embarrassment around like what seems to be a really simple issue with a really simple solution. [00:07:30] Embarrassment that I'm, I'm still struggling with it. Okay.
[00:07:35] John: Okay.
[00:07:36] Laura: Yeah, but it feels like silly to say out loud.
[00:07:39] John: Okay. Gotcha.
[00:07:40] Laura: Yeah.
[00:07:43] John: So maybe a part that sounds a bit critical around this is a simple issue.
[00:07:49] John: The solution is simple. So why haven't you done it yet? Basically. So one option is to get to know that part. So as you hear [00:08:00] those, those thoughts, you can notice how you experienced that in or around your body, or what does that part look like or sound like?
[00:08:13] Laura: Hmm.
[00:08:21] Laura: Yeah, I think they're more of like
[00:08:28] Laura: a parent [00:08:30] part.
[00:08:34] Laura: Yeah, but not in the aspirational parent way. It's more of like, like the parent that's like, Lou, you have to do your taxes. You have to, you know, wake up early for work. Just, yeah, it's the self that's always, or the part of me that's, you know,
[00:08:59] Laura: always [00:09:00] criticizing me when I'm not doing, when I'm not living out the ideal version of my life or my day. I don't know that they, that there's like a voice involved, I guess they have, yeah, like an adult voice, a harsh, like a very curt energy.
[00:09:27] John: Yeah. All right. [00:09:30] So the goal is to see if we can. interact with this part a little bit, whatever that looks like. So first we want to try to kind of locate it, whether it's like, again, it feels like kind of a voice or a sensation in the body, whether it looks like someone, whether it's someone real or someone I don't know.
[00:09:53] John: Yeah, just see if you can get curious about how you experienced this part. And [00:10:00] you could even ask the part, is it okay if we get to know you a little bit more today?
[00:10:09] Laura: Okay. Kurt parent, is it okay if we,
[00:10:20] Laura: if we get to know you a little more?[00:10:30]
[00:10:30] Laura: And as soon as you said that the word curious, I felt my whole being like relax a little bit.
[00:10:39] John: Yeah, great.
[00:10:41] Laura: Cause I think that part of me like forgets that curiosity can be a part of this. Yeah.
[00:10:49] John: Yeah. And the way we look at this with IFS is curiosity is one of these eight C's of self or self energy. Calm, curious, creative, [00:11:00] courageous, connected, et cetera.
[00:11:01] John: I always forget one. So that curiosity is you with a capital Y. And so our goal then is to try to access some of that and bring that toward this critical parent voice. That's, that's the work.
[00:11:19] Laura: Yeah.
[00:11:23] John: So if I can access some more of that curiosity again and even notice the physical qualities of that curiosity.[00:11:30]
[00:11:33] John: Can I send that curiosity toward this parent voice and see how it reacts?
[00:11:43] John: Even asking it what it's trying to do for me. What's, what is its intent?[00:12:00]
[00:12:00] Laura: Its intent is to try to help me become the most efficient to like develop in the most efficient way and like make the most out of my life.
[00:12:13] John: Wow. That sounds like a good thing.
[00:12:16] Laura: Yeah.
[00:12:18] John: Okay. So let it know that you get that.
[00:12:21] Laura: And yeah, I get that. I get that. That's, yeah. a very genuine [00:12:30] goal.
[00:12:31] John: Yeah. Yeah. Great. So I want you to ask the part now, what does it fear would happen if you didn't get this going?
[00:12:41] John: If you didn't get on this track of Working efficiently and being disciplined with the creative work.
[00:12:59] Laura: It thinks that [00:13:00] what would happen is that I would be, like, playing it safe. Okay. And choosing, like, an easier narrative for my life than what might be possible.
[00:13:20] John: Okay. And can you ask it what would be bad about that? What would be bad about playing it safe and choosing an easier narrative?
[00:13:26] Laura: That it feels like a [00:13:30] waste
[00:13:32] John: and what's scary about potentially wasting
[00:13:38] John: according to the part.
[00:13:45] Laura: I guess having regret
[00:13:51] Laura: at the end of this life.
[00:13:54] John: Yeah.
[00:13:55] Laura: Yeah.
[00:13:55] John: Right. Right. So in a way this part is trying to protect you [00:14:00] from that regret. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Does it make sense to you?
[00:14:06] Laura: Yeah.
[00:14:07] John: Okay. So let the part know that it makes sense.
[00:14:11] Laura: Yeah. It makes a lot of sense.
[00:14:22] John: Yeah.
[00:14:27] John: Yeah. So just keep noticing your body reacting to what we're [00:14:30] doing. Things shifting.
[00:14:40] John: Yeah.
[00:14:43] Laura: Yeah. I feel definitely more relaxed already.
[00:14:48] John: Okay.
[00:14:52] Laura: Yeah.
[00:14:54] John: So I know this sounds a little weird, but can you ask the part how old it is? Make sure the [00:15:00] part answers. You can just do this internally if you want or externally.
[00:15:29] Laura: I mean, the [00:15:30] first answer that I got is that it's that they're eternal. Like they don't have an age.
[00:15:38] John: Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Can you ask the part how old it thinks you are?
[00:15:57] Laura: And I just got a response. So it's like, [00:16:00] Too old. I guess like mid 30s was,
[00:16:05] John: Meaning too old for this to still be a problem?
[00:16:08] Laura: Yeah.
[00:16:09] John: Huh.
[00:16:10] Laura: Too old to be where I'm at. Yeah.
[00:16:12] John: Okay. Yeah.
[00:16:16] Laura: And I think it's adding like an extra 10 years on to my age.
[00:16:21] John: Okay.
[00:16:23] Laura: Yeah.
[00:16:25] John: Yeah. Okay.[00:16:30]
[00:16:30] John: Can you, can you ask this part more about itself? Can you ask Is it in fact a part of you? Is it more like a, a guide, like a spirit guide?
[00:16:42] Laura: Mm.
[00:16:43] John: Does it have good intent for you? Does it have bad intent for you?
[00:16:46] Laura: Mm.[00:17:00] [00:17:30]
[00:17:32] Laura: I think it's saying that it has good intent for me.
[00:17:42] Laura: It's hard for me to remove myself from, like, my own preconceptions of what this part is. Yeah, just based on like my own like conscious musings around like my life in this [00:18:00] incarnation and things. Hold on.
[00:18:08] John: Yeah, take your time.
[00:18:13] Laura: Are you a part of me or not?[00:18:30]
[00:18:59] Laura: I guess I'm just [00:19:00] going off of, it feels like that part is not a part of me. But it's a part that like is speaking on behalf of like wisdom of people who have come before me and like possibly
[00:19:29] Laura: like [00:19:30] past selves, you know, kind of a, a communicator between different lives.
[00:19:41] John: Okay. Yeah. So you could ask, one word would be, are, are you an ancestor? Or maybe an even better question would be just ask the part, what are you, or [00:20:00] what should we call you?[00:20:30] [00:21:00]
[00:21:13] Laura: Yeah. It's hard for me to, to separate, like.
[00:21:23] Laura: the part that's like kind of harsh and parental that's like, well, you need to just [00:21:30] sit down and do it. And this, like, I think these might be two different parts in this part. That's like, this is good for you and you should do it for that reason.
[00:21:43] John: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:21:48] Laura: And I kind of am like lumping them together.
[00:21:52] John: Yeah.
[00:21:54] Laura: Because they have like, It's the same goal, but[00:22:00]
[00:22:03] Laura: one feels more like a mother that is like loving and the other feels like, like a stepmother that is condemning and, you know, like has good intention, but is, doesn't really have patience. [00:22:30] Yeah.
[00:22:38] John: So one option would be to ask the the one that is like a loving mother, if that part is willing and able to assist us in getting to know the more critical one
[00:22:57] John: and willing to separate a little bit so [00:23:00] that we can work with the critical one.
[00:23:27] Laura: Yeah, [00:23:30] yeah. She's willing to step away.
[00:23:36] John: Yeah. Great. Well, thank her for that. And you might negotiate just the right amount of distance that you would like from her or the right amount of help that you would like from her in this session.
[00:23:49] Laura: I
[00:23:58] Laura: think it would be great [00:24:00] if you could observe and watch over this. meeting, but
[00:24:13] Laura: to not
[00:24:17] Laura: interfere between the interactions that we have.
[00:24:28] Laura: And[00:24:30]
[00:24:41] John: It feels okay. And again, you're, you're in the driver's seat at all times with this work. If it feels right, you can turn back towards critical part and I want you to check and see how you're feeling toward her. You feeling open, curious. You feeling scared, annoyed? [00:25:00]
[00:25:00] Laura: I mean, I feel like I've already decided that she's like, not the enemy, but like that she's the problem.
[00:25:08] Laura: So yeah, gonna try to be a little more compassionate.
[00:25:19] Laura: Hmm. Yeah. She's the part of me that is like grounded in this world and is basing her advice on like what she's seen [00:25:30] and what is tangible in this life.
[00:25:35] John: Okay, can, can you ask her to share more with you about what she has seen? And this, this can be totally private between you and her.[00:26:00]
[00:26:02] Laura: Yeah, she's seen both, like, a whole generation, basically two generations of people who have completely closed off their creativity
[00:26:22] Laura: and, like, their curiosity and seem [00:26:30] to have, like, a lack of
[00:26:34] Laura: meaning and substance in their life.
[00:26:40] Laura: and even like joy. And then she's also seen people who, and she's seen this less directly, but people who have like devoted themselves to a discipline, a [00:27:00] creative discipline, and have grown and found their voice. And yeah, it just seems like so matter of fact and like urgent, like it needs to, it's like, I'm going to become one or the other.
[00:27:19] John: Okay.
[00:27:19] Laura: It's the way she sees it.
[00:27:20] John: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So let her know you get that. And you might ask her a little more [00:27:30] about specifically her role in your system or her fears around if she wasn't so on top of you, what could go wrong? Or would you still be able to complete your creative work? If it wasn't for her kind of being on top of you about it.
[00:27:59] Laura: She doesn't [00:28:00] think that I can.
[00:28:02] John: Yeah.
[00:28:03] Laura: Yeah. She thinks I'm that she's needed and that like, she, she knows the most efficient way to like evolve.
[00:28:15] John: Yeah.
[00:28:16] Laura: And I like have to let her drive the car.
[00:28:19] John: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:28:25] Laura: But I have to step into the car in order for her to be driving the car. [00:28:30] Yeah. And she's like angry that I won't let her
[00:28:38] Laura: drive the car.
[00:28:42] John: Okay. Yeah. Can you ask her how old she is?[00:29:00]
[00:29:19] Laura: Yeah, i'm not sure how much of it is like her responding or me Assuming.
[00:29:27] John: Yeah.
[00:29:29] Laura: But [00:29:30] I think that she's like like late 40s early 50s
[00:29:41] Laura: Yeah
[00:29:42] John: See if you can confirm that with her I know it's kind of tricky or it might the answer might not come right away But we just want to try to make sure the answers coming directly from her You can just ask her. How old are [00:30:00] you? Or are you? You know, in your forties.[00:30:30]
[00:30:59] Laura: I think she's [00:31:00] actually like pretty young.
[00:31:02] John: Yeah.
[00:31:08] Laura: She's like college aged. Like,
[00:31:11] John: yeah.
[00:31:13] Laura: Yeah.
[00:31:15] John: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:31:17] Laura: Okay,
[00:31:17] John: so then ask her, yeah, how old she thinks you are.
[00:31:22] Laura: Hmm.[00:31:30]
[00:31:58] Laura: Yeah. I [00:32:00] guess it seems that she sees me as like in my thirties and like at this like critical turning point, like she has to like intervene.
[00:32:17] Laura: Yeah.
[00:32:19] John: Okay.
[00:32:20] Laura: Which is weird because she treats me like she's older than me, but yeah.
[00:32:25] John: Yeah. Yeah. There's a mismatch there. So
[00:32:29] Laura: [00:32:30] I
[00:32:30] John: want you to update her a bit on your age, your life, your projects, where things are at right now.
[00:32:38] John: Just, just kind of see if you can walk her through your life a little bit and show her the present day.
[00:32:44] John: And see how she reacts to that. And again, we're just doing that or offering that with curiosity and compassion as much as we can.[00:33:00] [00:33:30] [00:34:00]
[00:34:00] Laura: I'm trying to like walk her through my life and she sees all of the things I'm doing as like phony
[00:34:09] John: and
[00:34:09] Laura: not the right type of work that I'm supposed to be doing.
[00:34:13] John: Oh, can you ask her what the right type would be? The right type of work? Hmm,[00:34:30] [00:35:00] [00:35:30]
[00:35:46] Laura: I guess she sees the things that I'm doing and thinks that they should be more like prestigious and difficult and like professional. [00:36:00]
[00:36:00] John: Oh, okay.
[00:36:02] Laura: Yeah.
[00:36:04] John: Does that make sense to you?
[00:36:07] Laura: Yeah. You know, I'm familiar with it, with that like viewpoint.
[00:36:13] John: Yeah. Just let her know you get that.
[00:36:23] John: And can you ask her to tell you more about how she got this role[00:36:30]
[00:36:31] John: or at what point in time or at what point in your life she. She felt the need to take on this role.
[00:36:53] Laura: It's like around the time that I was her age like right after college. [00:37:00]
[00:37:00] John: Okay. Yeah. And again, this can all happen internally or privately, but yeah, go ahead. I,
[00:37:10] Laura: you know, graduated from undergrad with like a lot of potential and had a lot of like mentors saying I should go to grad school and then I should do this and that.
[00:37:21] Laura: Yeah. And instead I got really depressed and was just totally [00:37:30] like immobilized for like a year at least and had like didn't want to do any of the stuff that I went to school for.
[00:37:43] John: Okay. Can you ask her about that depression?[00:38:00] [00:38:30]
[00:38:46] John: She might be sharing some emotion with you right now too and we're showing you some. Images scenes.[00:39:00]
[00:39:11] Laura: Yeah, I think
[00:39:13] Laura: I don't know. I think she sees the depression as like me either not being able to or not being like willing enough to do what I was supposed [00:39:30] to do. And
[00:39:31] John: okay.
[00:39:32] Laura: So she
[00:39:37] Laura: felt the need to like, step in.
[00:39:42] John: Oh, okay. That makes sense.
[00:39:45] Laura: Yeah.
[00:39:46] John: Can you ask her if she worries about it happening again? If she worries about that depression happening again?
[00:39:53] Laura: Hmm.
[00:39:55] John: Let's see what she says.[00:40:00]
[00:40:25] Laura: She just views me as someone who tries to do like the [00:40:30] least. Amount of required, like, you know, just trying to like skate by,
[00:40:37] John: okay. As much as I
[00:40:38] Laura: can, I am doing a lot in my life. But I, I do feel like every day she shows me these places where I choose to not do what I should do. And so it just like reaffirms this.
[00:40:59] John: Okay. [00:41:00] And she, so she's in particular most focused on certain types of creative work that she wants you to be doing.
[00:41:12] Laura: Yeah, I guess so.
[00:41:14] John: Okay.
[00:41:15] Laura: Do you know
[00:41:15] John: specifically what she's talking about or what she, what's important to her?
[00:41:24] Laura: Yeah.
[00:41:25] John: Okay. And when you're connecting with her, are you seeing her visually or is it more [00:41:30] like hearing her? How does it?
[00:41:32] Laura: I guess I'm just seeing like that time in my life and like the room that I was in.
[00:41:40] John: Okay.
[00:41:41] Laura: And yeah, kind of just like that, that space.
[00:41:50] John: Okay. Is she still in that room? Are you seeing her though?
[00:41:55] Laura: I guess she looks like me at that time. Like she's like, [00:42:00] yeah.
[00:42:02] John: Okay.
[00:42:02] John: So
[00:42:04] Laura: yeah.
[00:42:07] John: Something you might try is if she's still in that room, are you able to step into that room? You as you are today? and get her attention? Can you, can you connect with her? Can you make eye contact with her?
[00:42:25] John: Can you let her know you're here?[00:42:30] [00:43:00] [00:43:30]
[00:43:45] Laura: Yeah, she
[00:43:46] Laura: she sees me, but yeah, she doesn't really, she won't like hold eye contact for long.
[00:43:55] John: Okay. All right. How are you feeling toward her?[00:44:00]
[00:44:12] Laura: I mean, I guess just a little, like,
[00:44:24] Laura: I don't know. I kind of judgmental or like, I feel like I know[00:44:30]
[00:44:32] Laura: that she's misguided and stressed. Yeah.
[00:44:40] John: So it could be a different, that could be another part that's judging her a bit.
[00:44:47] John: If that's the case, you can ask that part for space and then turn back toward her. Find more of that curiosity, that compassion.[00:45:00]
[00:45:07] John: My sense is this time in life and whatever happened in that room was extremely important and extremely formative for her so much so that she's still stuck there
[00:45:20] Laura: and
[00:45:20] John: she's really worried about. things happening again.
[00:45:24] Laura: Yeah. Yeah.[00:45:30]
[00:45:46] Laura: I think she feels a lot of shame around that time of life.
[00:45:53] John: Yeah. Okay.
[00:45:58] John: Can she tell you more about [00:46:00] that shame? And again, that she can do that privately if she wants, but I want you just to try to offer to be a witness to what she's carrying and about into what she's going through.[00:46:30] [00:47:00]
[00:47:11] Laura: Yeah. She just feels shame around like not caring enough.
[00:47:17] John: Oh, okay.
[00:47:20] Laura: She feels like I don't care enough and like wants to just push me [00:47:30] to action.
[00:47:31] John: Okay.
[00:47:33] John: Can you, can you show her how much you care?
[00:47:40] John: Show her or tell her? Again, even though the eye contact is hard, you might look her right in the eye and tell her how much you care, how important this is to you, that the two of you actually share the same goals and the same urgency around this.[00:48:00] [00:48:30]
[00:48:40] Laura: Yeah. I guess I'm telling her that I care about that time and how shameful she felt and
[00:48:57] Laura: how kind of anxious she felt. [00:49:00] How does she react to that?
[00:49:11] Laura: She feels
[00:49:15] Laura: acknowledged and seen.
[00:49:17] John: Can you also tell her how much you care about the creative work that she's concerned with or that we kind of started with today? [00:49:30] How seriously do you take that?
[00:49:32] Laura: Yeah, I take it very seriously.
[00:49:37] John: Yeah, just let her know that.
[00:49:45] Laura: I understand,
[00:49:50] Laura: you know, your worries around time.[00:50:00]
[00:50:00] John: Yeah, great.
[00:50:02] Laura: Your sense of like duty.
[00:50:06] John: Absolutely.
[00:50:16] John: So we have just a couple minutes left. One option would be, if she is interested in joining you as more of like a partner or collaborator, [00:50:30] Around this, around how much work gets done or how much creative work gets done.
[00:50:34] Laura: That's
[00:50:34] John: an option. If she's even remotely interested in coming along for the ride in the passenger seat, that's an option.
[00:50:45] John: Today just might be the start of the new relationship with her and the ongoing kind of negotiation of that relationship.
[00:50:59] John: She also [00:51:00] might need to see you taking Some more action toward these projects for her to feel a little more. Okay. And then for you to check in with her about that, that progress.[00:51:30]
[00:51:31] Laura: Yeah. She feels like,
[00:51:35] Laura: like she's been ignored and she feels like grief for, for time wasted.
[00:51:46] John: Yeah. Time wasted, like during the depression
[00:51:51] Laura: and like ever since really.
[00:51:54] John: Okay. Yeah.[00:52:00]
[00:52:00] John: Yeah, that that makes sense to me.
[00:52:03] Laura: Yeah.
[00:52:04] John: Yeah, we've got to make up for lost time.
[00:52:10] John: That's very real
[00:52:17] John: and yet that urgency can also stifle the work or stifle the discipline. And so just inviting her to do more of a dance with you around [00:52:30] getting this done and not wasting time. That's really the invitation
[00:52:39] John: or if there's something she'd like to do. Rather be doing in your system other than worrying about this. That's an option too. She can shift into Different role.
[00:52:49] Laura: Mm
[00:52:53] Laura: hmm. I think you know having her as a collaborator. I have to [00:53:00] Hold her grief. Yeah, which is not easy And so I don't and then she's like angry about it.
[00:53:12] John: Yeah,
[00:53:15] Laura: so
[00:53:16] John: so Do you have to hold her grief or could she just get rid of it? Could you help her release it today? Get it out of her body or release into one of the elements?[00:53:30]
[00:53:30] John: Sounds like someone's practicing their major skills.
[00:53:42] John: But that's an option for that, that grief to be released today.
[00:53:56] Laura: She doesn't seem to believe that it can be released that [00:54:00] easily. But
[00:54:02] Laura: or maybe I don't believe that.
[00:54:05] John: Yeah, it would be kind of hard to believe.
[00:54:18] John: So I want her to know that that is a possibility. She can release that. Neither of you need to hold it.
[00:54:26] John: Whether that happens today, whether that happens [00:54:30] another day, whether she releases one percent of it today. As an experiment.
[00:54:38] John: Lots of options.
[00:54:40] Laura: Yeah. I think we'll do that together. After this session.
[00:54:47] John: Beautiful.
[00:54:48] Laura: Yeah.
[00:54:48] John: Yeah. That
[00:54:49] Laura: sounds like
[00:54:50] John: a great next step. Hmm.
[00:54:53] John: I'll hit stop on the recording and we'll, we'll debrief a little bit. Okay. so much for doing this.
[00:54:59] Laura: Thank you. [00:55:00]
[00:55:00] John: Thanks for listening to another episode of Going Inside. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe wherever you're listening or watching and share your favorite episode with a friend.
[00:55:10] John: You can follow me on Instagram, @JohnClarkeTherapy and apply to work with me one on one at JohnClarkeTherapy. com. See you next time.
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