Real IFS Therapy Session: "Ashley" Part 1
LIVE Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Session with Ashley R. (Part 1)
In this live IFS therapy session on “Going Inside”, I guide my client Ashley through a deep exploration of her inner parts. This session focuses on helping Ashley connect with her younger self and address long-held feelings of loneliness and judgment with IFS techniques. Through compassionate inquiry and supportive presence, Ashley begins to heal and find a sense of safety and release.
Key Takeaways:
1. Inner Child Healing:
Ashley reconnects with her teenage self, who experienced significant loneliness and emotional pain, allowing her to release these pent-up feelings.
2. Comfort in the Present:
By providing comfort and reassurance in the present moment, Ashley's inner child begins to feel safer and less overwhelmed by past memories.
3. Curiosity Toward Judgemental Parts:
I guide Ashley to approach her critical, logical part with curiosity, revealing its protective intentions and long standing role.
4. Shifting Roles:
The session highlights the possibility of allowing parts to shift roles, as Ashley's logical part, once a strict overseer, is given permission to play and relax.
5. Ongoing Self-Care:
The importance of regular check-ins with inner parts is emphasized, ensuring continued support and healing for Ashley's younger selves.
Session Transcript:
[00:00:00] John: So what you're about to see is a real IFS therapy session with a real client. I wanted to give you some context to this episode or to this this demonstration that you're about to see. So, like I said, you're about to see a real IFS session with two unburdenings. In this session, a few things, number one the client of course, consented to record our sessions and for me to [00:00:30] use them to help bring the model to more people through my content.
[00:00:35] John: The client's name has been changed for privacy. Another disclaimer is that I'm a licensed therapist with many years of experience and a lot of experience and supervision using IFS. This was the first time I've met with this client that we previously had kind of like an intake session where I got a bit of background and idea of trauma history family history, medical history, things like that.
[00:00:59] John: The, this [00:01:00] client has also done some work before done a lot of types of therapy work, not IFS, but lots of therapy work leading up to this. So you'll see that that perhaps expedites the session a bit. And expedites our access to working with her parts, which is not always the case in using this model.
[00:01:19] John: This is in part why her system was very open. So you'll see that. And also she had a strong sense of IFS and understanding of IFS. She's read. No bad parts by [00:01:30] Dick Schwartz. And so coming into it with a good idea of what the model is. So that all that is to say, if you're a practitioner of IFS or a therapist just keeping those things in mind that not all demos look like this a client systems are not always this open and accessible.
[00:01:45] John: And the way we keep the work safe is of course, just going slow. Working with protectors first and foremost. So it should go without saying, but of course, do not try this at home unless you are a trained practitioner or a therapist who's [00:02:00] been trained in IFS follow along for more sessions with this client.
[00:02:05] John: This will be, this is the first of a series of sessions. And I really hope you enjoy it. I think the best way to learn the model is to. Experience it. And if you haven't experienced it yet, certainly seeing someone else experience it is the next best thing. If you are interested in being a client for an I.
[00:02:23] John: F. S. Demo with me, please email me john at john clark therapy dot com or just go to john clark [00:02:30] therapy dot com to find my info there. And yeah, the more help I can get in getting this model and this message out into the world, The better. So yeah, enjoy this demonstration. And thanks so much for being here.
[00:02:45] John: Yeah. So I know you sent me a few topics by email beforehand. Like I mentioned, any of those would be great. So one way to get into this session would be either just to pick a topic and go there. Another way would be to start tuning into your [00:03:00] internal experience and kind of ask inside what is most pressing or ask what parts most need our help today.
[00:03:08] John: Either one works.
[00:03:10] Ashley: Absolutely. I, something I'm really just eager to hear your perspective on and to get to know this part and to get curious about within me is that I am going into a shutdown response almost every day at work. And I work, just for context, I work [00:03:30] a nine to five, Monday through Friday job.
[00:03:32] Ashley: And when I'm home or when I'm around people or when I'm basically any other time of my life, I'm pretty okay. Okay. Like, I don't feel the shutdown, sometimes, you know, the transition to and from work, I can still feel it, but like, at work, I'm in that like, frozen, you know, very typical symptoms of very short and shallow breaths, [00:04:00] very low energy just like feeling limp a lot of the day, and so that is telling me that That a part of me is, is perceiving a threat, or there is a threat that I'm not aware of.
[00:04:15] Ashley: And if it's there, it's not obvious, because I don't think That I have a boss that's overly, you know, he's not domineering in any way. I don't think, I mean, my workload can be a little sporadic, but I don't think that's enough to trigger a [00:04:30] complete dorsal vagal shutdown. So I just don't know if it's trauma from the past or what it is, but that is something that's just like really making it hard to get through day to day life.
[00:04:44] John: Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. I think this is something we can definitely work on.
[00:04:49] Ashley: Okay.
[00:04:49] John: So the first thing I might have you do is just walk me through one of those instances, or even most either most recently, or maybe even the first time it happened where you experienced this [00:05:00] shutdown.
[00:05:01] Ashley: Okay. I mean, I think today was a perfect example.
[00:05:06] Ashley: It definitely wasn't the first time I think. So I've been working full time for the past four years, I've been out of college for four years, and I think. It started off as like panic attacks. And then I had like, I had to quit because it got too overwhelming. And then I took a little break and then I moved and then I started working again.
[00:05:27] Ashley: And then, you [00:05:30] know, I feel like increasingly I got more into shutdown with not a lot of break in between, between now and in the last maybe three and a half years. Yeah. So today, for example, I felt like I got a good night's sleep. I did have a good breakfast. I took my supplements in the morning. I was in a good mindset.
[00:05:53] Ashley: I try to go into work, like listening to a good podcast. I'm like, okay, I'm safe. You know, I did [00:06:00] some, some EFT tapping, if you're familiar. And I felt like, and I always try to prepare myself cause I know that this, you know, kind of keeps happening and I get there and I feel like it's just like a slow, and I feel like maybe by 10 I'm already in, in that place where, like, I can't move, like, to the extent where, like, if my leg itches, like, I don't have the energy to reach down and itch my [00:06:30] leg.
[00:06:31] Ashley: And so I'm like, is it something, and maybe this is important to note too, like, I'm not in a job at all that I want to be doing. And so maybe that's it, like, I have a side business that I'm trying to grow. And that just hasn't taken off yet to support me. And so I wonder if it's, it's something resisting it so much cause I just don't simply want to be doing that job that work.[00:07:00]
[00:07:00] Ashley: So
[00:07:00] John: okay.
[00:07:02] Ashley: Yeah.
[00:07:03] John: All right. Rather than trying to kind of figure it out or like analyze it, I would just invite you to get to know whatever parts are here that are involved in this process. One perhaps could be a part that shuts down. Another might be a part that tries to prevent the shutting down, like by doing your morning routine, by trying to kind of be in the right [00:07:30] headspace on the way to work.
[00:07:31] John: And so yeah, there's maybe the, the shutting down. And then if there's a part that Tries to prevent the shutdown or feels a certain way about the shutting down. So you might just see what you're noticing inside or you can shift your attention from kind of talking about it to an internal focus.
[00:07:48] John: And some people like to close the eyes for that. Some people keep them open. It doesn't really matter. But as you think about that shutting down, just notice. Yeah, how you experience [00:08:00] that, any parts that you notice in or around your body. How do you experience them? Do you see them, hear them, feel them?
[00:08:12] Ashley: I feel like I just see myself in like fetal position rocking back and forth.
[00:08:17] Ashley: Would that work?
[00:08:19] John: That works. Yeah. And as you see. yourself in this fetal position. Where do you see her? [00:08:30]
[00:08:30] Ashley: I feel like she's in like a, like a dark room with like a very small window. I think it almost like resembles like a jail cell.
[00:08:39] John: Okay. Yeah. And how are you, how are you feeling toward her?
[00:08:48] Ashley: I feel really sad for her. She's really scared and is very unhappy. Yeah.
[00:08:53] John: Can, can you send her that feeling, feeling sad for her, [00:09:00] sad, like compassion?
[00:09:02] Ashley: Yeah. Like a lot of compassion.
[00:09:06] John: So if you can send that to her, yeah, send her that empathy and just see how she reacts.
[00:09:23] Ashley: I think she just wants help. She just wants help from someone.
[00:09:27] John: Okay. Can you make her aware of you? [00:09:30] Can you step into that jail cell type room and make her aware of you?
[00:09:38] Ashley: Yeah, I can come in.
[00:09:42] John: Yeah. What happens when you, when you come in?
[00:09:47] Ashley: She's like pleading. She's like, please come and like save me and like rescue me from this. room or jail or whatever.
[00:09:58] John: Okay. Got it.[00:10:00]
[00:10:06] John: Yeah. Can, can she tell you more about the room or the jail?
[00:10:13] Ashley: She just says she feels so stuck and she doesn't know how to escape.
[00:10:17] John: Got it. Okay.
[00:10:19] Ashley: She doesn't know. Yeah. How to leave.
[00:10:24] John: Okay. Do you know how to leave?
[00:10:29] John: Do you see a way [00:10:30] out?
[00:10:38] Ashley: Yeah. I want to like grab her and like, take her with me, but I feel like a logical part is stepping into in this scene of like, okay,
[00:10:49] John: what does the logical part say?
[00:10:51] Ashley: Like, If we leave, we don't have a, like a way to pay for things.
[00:10:58] John: Oh, okay. Yeah. So [00:11:00]
[00:11:01] Ashley: it's like her being there is like serving purpose.
[00:11:05] John: Got it.
[00:11:05] John: Okay. Can you ask the logical part? What, what purpose it serves for her being there?
[00:11:16] Ashley: That her, she's like keeping us alive and like to survive.
[00:11:21] John: Got it. Okay. I feel
[00:11:27] Ashley: like the part of me that like went in to rescue her [00:11:30] wants to like,
[00:11:34] Ashley: leave her because maybe she can't leave with me yet, but like go and I'd go further in my business and like go all in on my business and, and try to make more money that way and work harder in that sense. So I can take her out of there.
[00:11:50] John: Okay. So that's one possibility is creating a way out by getting your business going so that she doesn't have to be [00:12:00] in that jail cell room.
[00:12:02] John: Is it that the jail cell room represents the nine to five?
[00:12:06] Ashley: Yeah, I think so. Yeah, definitely.
[00:12:11] John: Okay. So just, okay. Yeah. I see you're holding your head there with your eyes. Just check in with your body for a second. See what's going on. Do you notice tension happening?
[00:12:28] Ashley: I definitely feel a shift. [00:12:30] I feel like a little bit of energy, which is good. I feel like that means some safety into my body. I feel like more is my, I feel some separation between me and the part of me that's shutting down.
[00:12:42] John: Got it. Okay. Yeah. So I want you to turn back to the logical part and ask the logical part if, if you're If it's okay with us getting to know [00:13:00] the part that's in the jail cell, the one that shuts down.
[00:13:04] Ashley: The logical part?
[00:13:06] John: Yeah.
[00:13:09] Ashley: Yeah, that part says it's okay.
[00:13:12] John: Okay. You can also let that part know it can hang out and watch as we do this. All we're trying to do is get to know the part in the jail cell. Nothing has to happen today or in this session.[00:13:30]
[00:13:30] Ashley: Okay. Yeah. That part's okay with watching.
[00:13:36] John: Okay.
[00:13:39] John: Okay. So then I want you to turn back toward the one in the jail cell and this time really make sure that it's you as you are today stepping into the room and not another part of you like seeing a part like from a bird's eye view, but actually you seeing through your own eyes, this, this part of the jail cell.
[00:13:59] Ashley: Okay.
[00:13:59] Ashley: [00:14:00] 'I'm there.
[00:14:09] John: Let me just check in again, see how you're feeling toward her.
[00:14:18] Ashley: Just a lot of compassion, a lot of, a lot of energy to do something about it.
[00:14:24] John: Got it. Okay. Yeah. So you can send her that compassion again, [00:14:30] that you get how badly she wants to get out of here.
[00:14:34] Ashley: Yeah.
[00:14:38] Ashley: She's like wrapping her arms around my leg.
[00:14:43] John: Hmm. Okay. Yeah, can, can you ask her how old she is?
[00:14:49] Ashley: She's 20.
[00:14:51] John: Okay, and can you ask her how old she thinks you are?
[00:14:57] Ashley: 27.
[00:14:59] John: Okay.[00:15:00]
[00:15:12] John: Can you just ask her what else she wants you to know?
[00:15:23] Ashley: She just wants me to know that this is like not her purpose at all. [00:15:30]
[00:15:31] John: Oh, okay.
[00:15:32] Ashley: She could be doing so much more, using her gifts in so many other ways.
[00:15:39] John: Got it. Yeah, can you just let her know that you get that?
[00:15:48] Ashley: I also want to tell her like like it's possible like we can we can make that happen like that is gonna happen Like I feel a sense of certainty that I want to tell her. Okay. [00:16:00]
[00:16:00] John: Okay. Tell her.
[00:16:16] Ashley: She's like calm down a little bit
[00:16:19] John: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, can can she tell you more about how she got there? here in this jail cell?[00:16:30]
[00:16:34] Ashley: I feel like I like zoomed out for a second and it was like everyone else in society is also in this jail cell.
[00:16:42] John: Oh, okay. So
[00:16:44] Ashley: just the norm. It's just like what people do. I think she got here because it was expected of her to be there.
[00:16:50] John: Got it. Okay. So if it's too intense for her to have everyone else there in the jail cell, you [00:17:00] can either have everyone else step out and it's just you and her.
[00:17:07] Ashley: Yeah. It's still just us in the room. But just like, there's like Like if you zoom out on the building, like you can see that there's like other rooms, but it's still just like, like, I feel like I see like everyone in society is like working these nine to five jobs and everyone else feels like kind of locked up in that way too.[00:17:30]
[00:17:30] John: Okay. Yeah. Can you ask her, what does she fear? What happened if she didn't shut down? That work
[00:17:49] Ashley: that I wouldn't ever do anything about it. Nothing. Oh, okay. Does that make
[00:17:55] John: sense to you?
[00:17:58] Ashley: Yeah, she's just trying to [00:18:00] communicate Okay. Wow.
[00:18:11] John: Yeah, just let her know that you get you get it
[00:18:14] Ashley: Yeah to thank her for for being so loud about her her feelings
[00:18:22] John: Yeah,
[00:18:27] John: she really wants to help you keep [00:18:30] momentum. Toward working for yourself.
[00:18:32] Ashley: Yeah,
[00:18:33] John: right
[00:18:42] John: Yeah, what else does she want you to know
[00:18:50] Ashley: that she has total faith in me?
[00:18:54] John: Yeah. Great.
[00:18:56] Ashley: And that we have like a really good mutual respect [00:19:00] and trust and love for each other.
[00:19:02] John: Mm hmm. Yeah. Wonderful.
[00:19:09] Ashley: That feels really good.
[00:19:10] John: Yeah. Great. Great. So just, yeah, just be in that with her. Just hang out there.[00:19:30]
[00:19:30] Ashley: She doesn't want me to leave just yet.
[00:19:32] John: Okay. Yeah. So you don't have to leave. You also don't have to leave her there in that jail cell. One option for her today is. You can offer to bring her into the present with you if that's okay with the logical part, we just want to turn back and check in with that part first.
[00:19:58] Ashley: The logical part says,[00:20:00]
[00:20:02] Ashley: they were like skeptical for a second, but then they said it was okay.
[00:20:06] John: Okay, yeah, think, think the part for that, think the logical part for that. Yeah, so then, yeah, then turn back toward the one in the jail cell, and I want you to bring her all the way into the present with you. So that could be all the way into the room that you're in now.
[00:20:25] John: She could sit beside you on the bed that you're on. [00:20:30] She could you can show her a little bit of your life, like what's going on or where you live or what you do. You could show her some of your belongings. She still just wants to
[00:20:49] Ashley: be really close to me.
[00:20:51] John: Okay, yeah, let her know that's okay.
[00:20:54] Ashley: Yeah, she's like clingy.
[00:20:56] John: Yeah, okay, [00:21:00] yeah. So, I want you to ask her if there's anything she wants your help letting go of today. Thoughts, feelings, beliefs she's been carrying.
[00:21:21] Ashley: She wants to let go of so much fear. Like, she's so full of fear.
[00:21:26] John: Mm hmm.
[00:21:27] Ashley: Fear of Like not feeling [00:21:30] very stable at all.
[00:21:33] John: Got it. Okay.
[00:21:34] Ashley: It's so hard to me.
[00:21:36] John: Okay. Yeah. So ask her how she wants to get rid of that fear of not having stability. Sometimes parts like to use one of the elements to get rid of it.
[00:21:51] John: Just see if she has an idea of how she wants to do it.[00:22:00]
[00:22:03] Ashley: What do you mean by the elements?
[00:22:05] John: So, like, sometimes she might want to burn it, or bury it, or throw it in water, or throw it in the wind, or to use light to release it. I feel like
[00:22:19] Ashley: light came to mind.
[00:22:22] John: Okay, ask her if that's what she wants to do, to use light.
[00:22:26] John: Make sure it's coming from her. [00:22:30]
[00:22:30] Ashley: Okay.
[00:22:33] John: And this might be kind of a new concept to her so she can take her time deciding if it's something she wants to do or not. I don't know.
[00:22:49] Ashley: I think she still just wants to be held and she just wants to be really close to me to like feel safe.
[00:22:56] John: Yeah. Okay. Got it. So [00:23:00] in that case, just continue to hold her there. That is completely okay.
[00:23:09] John: Just hold her until she feels completely safe.
[00:23:16] Ashley: Okay. I can tell that she's been holding this fear for a long time.
[00:23:22] John: Yeah. Yeah. Does she still look the same to you? Does she still look 20?[00:23:30]
[00:23:32] Ashley: Maybe more like 16.
[00:23:35] John: Okay, yeah. Can you ask her if that's about how old she is? Is she about 16?
[00:23:48] Ashley: Yeah, 15.
[00:23:50] John: Yeah. Yeah, okay.[00:24:00]
[00:24:00] Ashley: She's really happy though that I'm here. She's safe now. Great,
[00:24:04] John: great. Yeah, let her know that she's safe now. Let her know that, you know, you might just look her right in the eye and let her know she doesn't have to go back.[00:24:30]
[00:24:31] Ashley: She's happy, she doesn't have to go back, but I still think she's having a hard time letting go of this.
[00:24:38] Ashley: All the pent up fear.
[00:24:41] John: Yeah.
[00:24:45] John: Yeah, can you ask her again to tell you more about the fear? What the fear is about?
[00:24:57] Ashley: She said everything just felt so uncertain [00:25:00] for such a long time. That she didn't have a lot of support or guidance. And that made her feel really afraid.
[00:25:10] John: Got it, okay. Do you know what she's talking about?
[00:25:18] Ashley: Yeah, I think because my parents We're super present.
[00:25:25] John: Got it. And is she showing you a [00:25:30] particular memory around them not being very present?
[00:25:40] Ashley: I think just like crying myself to sleep almost every night in high school.
[00:25:45] John: Oh, okay. I
[00:25:47] Ashley: think, I think she could, she wanted a lot of, she wanted to be held then too.
[00:25:54] John: Okay. Yeah.[00:26:00]
[00:26:02] John: Can you ask her if she feels like we need to go back there to high school memories or Sure. Is she good just being here in the present with you?
[00:26:22] Ashley: She's like kind of hyperventilating, so maybe not.
[00:26:27] John: Okay, yeah, see if you can just offer that [00:26:30] comfort again.
[00:26:33] John: Even the thought of going back to those high school times is causing her to hyperventilate.
[00:26:41] Ashley: Yeah. Is that
[00:26:42] John: right?
[00:26:43] Ashley: She's like, yeah, she's like really freaking out. She was like, yeah, that was a really lonely time.
[00:26:50] John: Okay. Yeah, I
[00:26:53] Ashley: feel like, go ahead.
[00:26:56] John: Go for it. You're good.
[00:26:59] Ashley: I was gonna [00:27:00] say, on my end, it's, it's I think she's happy to feel things though.
[00:27:07] Ashley: I think she's happy to not be shut down. I think she's happy to like kind of release that energy.
[00:27:14] John: Yes. See if you can invite her, invite her to keep releasing that energy. Okay. With you there, helping her do it safely.[00:27:30]
[00:27:48] Ashley: Yeah, she's getting there.
[00:27:50] John: Yeah, just hang out there with her. She can get out as much as she wants to get out or as much as she's ready to get out today. No [00:28:00] more, no less.
[00:28:04] Ashley: I didn't realize all those feelings were coming from just feeling alone. Not just feeling alone, but from feeling alone, period.
[00:28:14] John: Yeah, that's a big deal. It's a
[00:28:16] Ashley: really big deal.
[00:28:18] John: Yeah, let her know that you get that. Let her know that you get that this is a big deal.[00:28:30]
[00:28:35] Ashley: That made her feel really safe hearing.
[00:28:38] John: Yeah, great.
[00:28:41] Ashley: She started to calm down a little bit actually after hearing. Yeah,
[00:28:45] John: yeah.
[00:28:47] Ashley: That no one deserves to be alone and it wasn't okay.
[00:28:50] John: That's right, that's right.
[00:28:56] John: Yeah, just let her know she shouldn't have had to cry herself to sleep.[00:29:00]
[00:29:08] John: That wasn't fair.
[00:29:18] John: Yeah.
[00:29:23] Ashley: Yeah, she realizes that now. She feels a little bit more confident.
[00:29:27] John: Yeah, great, great.[00:29:30]
[00:29:37] John: So you might ask her what else she needs right now, whether it's to get more of that. emotion out or just to rest and even fall asleep there with you or does she need a blanket or a stuffed animal or something to keep her company? Yeah, she kind of just wants to [00:30:00] be here with me and be safe with me
[00:30:02] Ashley: and be held.
[00:30:03] Ashley: Okay, great.
[00:30:15] John: Yeah, let her know she can stay here with you. She doesn't have to go back there.
[00:30:26] John: Yeah,
[00:30:29] Ashley: that feels [00:30:30] good. It feels good for both of us.
[00:30:31] John: Yeah.
[00:30:36] John: So I want you to check back in with that logical part and just invite any comments, concerns, questions about what just happened from this part or any other parts that you want to speak of.
[00:30:59] Ashley: I don't [00:31:00] really like this logical part. It feels very judgmental. Okay. I don't know why.
[00:31:07] John: Okay. Yeah. Can, can you ask him more about why it's judgmental? What could be good about judging?[00:31:30]
[00:31:33] Ashley: I don't know. It's kind of just criticizing the feelings.
[00:31:38] John: Got it. Okay.
[00:31:39] Ashley: Like it's, it's diminishing them.
[00:31:42] John: Okay. Like it's just kind of a
[00:31:44] Ashley: jerk.
[00:31:45] John: Yeah. It's being a jerk. Okay. And tell me more about how you experienced this part. What does it look like? Sound like, how do you experience it? Like a man. Yeah. Okay.
[00:31:57] Ashley: Sounds like a man, like sitting back in a rolly chair [00:32:00] behind a desk, like with his legs crossed, like kind of sitting back and like just looking and judging.
[00:32:07] John: Okay. Yeah. All right.
[00:32:16] John: So I want you to see if you can access a little curiosity toward him. We can get to know him a little bit today.
[00:32:24] Ashley: Okay.[00:32:30]
[00:32:31] John: So a moment ago, perhaps a part that said, I don't like him because he judges. And he judges the emotions of this, this, this girl.
[00:32:49] John: So just see if you can turn back toward him again, make sure it's you seeing him through your eyes. And if you can send him even a little bit of curiosity, [00:33:00] see how he reacts. See if you can ask him about how he got this job of judging or fears around not judging.
[00:33:14] Ashley: Yeah, no, I sense that he's like really insecure.
[00:33:16] Ashley: It feels like a mask.
[00:33:19] John: Okay. Can you ask him if he's wearing a mask or if it's like a mask? I don't know.[00:33:30]
[00:33:33] Ashley: He's getting kind of defensive.
[00:33:35] John: Yeah.
[00:33:37] Ashley: He's not very vulnerable.
[00:33:39] John: Yeah. Okay. Can you let him know that we're not trying to take his job away or change him today? We're just trying to get to know him and perhaps just meeting him for the first time. So just like meeting anyone, we just want to go slow and [00:34:00] be courteous.
[00:34:09] John: My guess is he's been doing this job a long time and so I want to respect that and let him know that we respect that even if we don't quite understand it yet. Or if it seems a little harsh.
[00:34:26] Ashley: Yeah, it's he calmed down a little bit because I I told him [00:34:30] I just wanted to get to know him.
[00:34:32] John: Oh, great. Yeah.
[00:34:35] Ashley: So, he got less defensive and just kind of, his demeanor relaxed a little bit.
[00:34:40] John: Okay, yeah, thank him for that.
[00:34:45] Ashley: He softened after thanking him.
[00:34:48] John: Yeah. Great. Maybe just, again, ask him, what does he want us to know?[00:35:00]
[00:35:03] Ashley: He's just trying to keep everybody in line. Mm. So he said, I just want to keep everyone in line here. Okay. Yeah. So maybe his emotions is getting out of line or sees emotions as unhelpful. I don't know.
[00:35:23] John: Okay. Yeah. Can, can you ask him how he got this job of keeping everyone in line?[00:35:30]
[00:35:42] Ashley: He said, well, no one else was doing it.
[00:35:45] John: Got it. Okay. Yeah.
[00:35:52] Ashley: Someone has to.
[00:35:54] John: Got it. Okay.[00:36:00]
[00:36:04] John: Yeah.
[00:36:05] Ashley: Yeah.
[00:36:07] John: Okay.
[00:36:08] Ashley: He's just trying to keep order and keep I guess keep everyone safe.
[00:36:12] John: Got it. Okay. And can you tell you about the first time he had to keep everyone safe like this?
[00:36:27] Ashley: Super, super young.[00:36:30]
[00:36:36] Ashley: Yeah. Making sure mom and dad had, we're like ready, ready to go before school.
[00:36:45] John: Making sure that mom and dad were ready before school.
[00:36:48] Ashley: Yeah. And making sure they were able to get us ready and like to make our lunches way to remind them.
[00:36:56] John: Oh, okay.[00:37:00]
[00:37:04] John: Yeah. What's going on in your body now?
[00:37:10] Ashley: Just noticing a lot of pieces are coming together.
[00:37:16] John: Great. So just go with that.
[00:37:18] Ashley: Yeah.
[00:37:19] John: Yeah.
[00:37:21] Ashley: I'm so good. I'm good.
[00:37:23] John: Yeah. I'm good. Okay, so he had to really drive the bus at [00:37:30] times or else things wouldn't happen in the morning.
[00:37:34] Ashley: Yeah. Mom
[00:37:34] John: and dad wouldn't get you ready for school, you wouldn't have a lunch to eat.
[00:37:40] Ashley: Yeah. Be in charge of like the structure.
[00:37:44] John: Wow. And the logic. What a big responsibility. Yeah. And the logic. Okay.
[00:37:55] John: Yeah, that sounds like a big deal.[00:38:00]
[00:38:14] Ashley: Yeah, I don't think he wants to be doing this anymore. I get the sense that he wants to be doing something else.
[00:38:20] John: Can you ask him what he'd rather be doing? He wants to go out
[00:38:23] Ashley: and play. Okay.
[00:38:28] John: Yeah, yeah. Can [00:38:30] you ask him how old he is?
[00:38:35] Ashley: He said five.
[00:38:36] John: Oh, okay. Yeah.
[00:38:44] John: And how old does he think you are? 27.
[00:38:50] John: Okay.
[00:38:55] John: So it's completely an option today for him to just go and play.[00:39:00]
[00:39:03] John: Before we do that, I want you to ask him if there's anything that needs to happen from back then in childhood,
[00:39:14] John: like a moment that we need to do over or a conversation we need to have with mom and dad or something that needs to happen before. For that little girl back then who needed her lunch packed. I think[00:39:30]
[00:39:42] Ashley: I told him he could just go and play if he wanted to and he's like timid to go and do it to like not be the logical one and not to be the structured one. I think he's like inching closer and closer to like getting out of the chair and going to play. I think [00:40:00] he's like, he's ready.
[00:40:03] John: Okay. So you might ask him, would it help to hand over That responsibility to you today, that responsibility of being responsible and on time and, yeah.
[00:40:26] Ashley: Yeah, he said I could take it and then he went running to go play. [00:40:30]
[00:40:30] John: Okay, alright, great.
[00:40:34] Ashley: And I'll gladly take that.
[00:40:35] John: Yeah, great. Yeah, let him know you'll gladly take it and that he can go play.
[00:40:43] Ashley: Yeah, he's happy.
[00:40:45] John: Yeah, right.
[00:40:52] Ashley: That feels good.
[00:40:53] John: Yeah. Yeah, great. Okay.[00:41:00]
[00:41:00] John: So, I, I want you just to let him know if, if he feels the need to go back to that, that desk chair, that rolling chair, that he can let you know, but otherwise he doesn't have to go back there, he can just keep playing, he can stay playing and being five.
[00:41:17] Ashley: Okay,
[00:41:23] Ashley: yeah, I think he's good. He's like going to play in the sandbox.
[00:41:27] John: Okay, great. Yeah, and how are you [00:41:30] feeling toward him?
[00:41:32] Ashley: I feel like a proud parent.
[00:41:34] John: Yeah, okay. I'm not a parent,
[00:41:36] Ashley: but if I was, I feel like that's what I would feel like.
[00:41:39] John: Yeah, so send him that, send him that, that feeling of being a proud parent. See if he can take some of that in.
[00:41:50] Ashley: He trusts me. He trusts that I can take on the structure really well now.
[00:41:54] John: Yeah. Yeah, thank him for that.
[00:41:57] Ashley: That was easy. Yeah.
[00:41:59] John: Yeah. [00:42:00] Great. So before we wrap up, check back in with the girl, the teenage girl, see if she's still there resting and holding on to you.
[00:42:15] Ashley: Yeah. She's tired. She just wants to rest and be taken care of for a little while.
[00:42:24] John: Let her know she can just rest and be taken care of. Just see [00:42:30] if she needs anything else. For now to keep her comfortable like more blankets or anything like that.
[00:42:46] Ashley: I think my offering makes her feel really loved and cared for Yeah
[00:42:51] John: Great.[00:43:00]
[00:43:03] John: So I want you to let her know you'll be back and also, let the five year old know you'll be back and For about the next three weeks just once a day at least once a day. I just want you to Kind of close your eyes and check in with them again. See if they're still there. See if they need anything [00:43:30] That's gonna be kind of your your follow up actor today.
[00:43:35] Ashley: I can do that. Okay. Wow That was a great.
[00:43:46] Ashley: I'm like mind blown Like that was just I felt so many shapes and like
[00:43:53] Ashley: I don't feel shut down at all now Like that's incredible. Like that's truly incredible [00:44:00] Like, I truly just have been feeling like so locked up, like in a jail and that like I am capable of like going and running a business.
[00:44:11] John: That's right.
[00:44:20] Ashley: Thank you.
[00:44:20] John: Thanks for listening to another episode of Going Inside. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe wherever you're listening or watching and share your favorite episode with a friend. You [00:44:30] can follow me on TikTok @JohnClarkeTherapy and apply to work with me one on one at JohnClarkeTherapy.com. See you next time.
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