IFS Therapy - A Paradigm Shift
IFS Therapy - Working with an IFS Therapist in San Francisco
When I was in graduate school, the prevailing model that was taught to us (forced upon us, even…) was largely based on psychodynamic theory and interpersonal process. But what does that mean?
In psychotherapy, and psychology at large, thousands of theorists have taken their position on one central question: “what causes pathology?”
In other words, why do people become symptomatic? Why are they anxious, depressed, compulsive, addicted, traumatized, etc.
And more importantly, what can we do about it?
In psychodynamic work, the model is essentially: we inherit templates for our relationships from our early caregiver experiences, and we carry those with us into adulthood. People experience symptoms, or pathology, because these templates are dysfunctional.
So, in the therapy work, the goal of the therapist is to essentially become the client’s new attachment figure, wait for them to play out their dysfunctional templates with the therapist, and then provide what they call a “corrective emotional experience,” and hope that they carry it out into the world with them. In my experience, in using this model for over 12 years, I had maybe 2-3 moments like this that were true corrective emotional experiences, and this was only after 9+ months of weekly sessions.
Because of this, a few years into my career I received intensive training in Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), which was much more immediate, fast-acting, and reliable. The basic premise is that people suffer because of their dysfunctional thinking, and the role of the therapist is to help the client analyze and reframe their thinking, thus leading to feeling better.
This model works, and has a lot of research to prove that it works. It gives clients real relief, fast. But, on the other hand, in my experience, it lacks depth and focuses too much on just “coping.”
In 2016 I realized that although I had been talking to clients about their trauma, I really didn’t have a solid approach for treating the trauma itself. So, I got trained in EMDR, and started using it with clients immediately.
The results were strong. I had some clients who suffered from complex PTSD and had struggled for years to find any relief, and yet they found relief in as little as 1 or 2 sessions of EMDR.
EMDR works by targeting the traumatic memories themselves, and then using bilateral stimulation to help reduce the reactivity of the memories (and thus, the emotions).
Once these memories have been dulled down, clients are able to avoid getting flooded or “triggered” and start making sense of their lives again. It’s a very effective treatment, and one that I still use with clients today.
But back to the original issue of psychodynamic theory. Another qualm I have with this model is that, similar to CBT, it tends to put the therapist in the position of “expert” in the client’s life. Let me show you how dysfunctional your relationship with your parents is, let me show you how dysfunctional your thinking is, etc. I’ve always struggled with being put in this expert chair because after all, therapists are human too, right? The weight of the role eventually burned me out entirely and I left my clinical work altogether in 2021.
How I Discovered IFS Therapy
One day I was having brunch with some friends in San Francisco when a friend of mine started talking about her experience with IFS therapy. I have NEVER seen someone talk so enthusiastically about their therapy in my life. I was amazed. She went on to talk about how profound and empowering the therapy is, how the model just makes sense to her, and what amazing results she’s had with it.
I went home that day and Googled “IFS therapy.” About 10 years ago I had picked up a free book called “IFS Therapy” and skimmed a few pages. From what I could understand, it was about “parts,” and specifically that each of us has, for instance, our mother’s critical voice inside of us, and that we can learn to separate from that voice in order to feel better. The word “family” in Internal Family Systems therapy left me thinking it was kind of like family therapy for your internalized family members. I thought it was an interesting concept, but I didn’t think anything else of it until that brunch.
So the more I learned about IFS therapy, the more I realized it solved a lot of really big issues I have with psychodynamic therapy, and therapy in general. IFS therapy:
It positions the client as the expert in their life, or, more specifically, the “leader” of their “parts.” These parts are led by the “Self,” which can be thought of like one’s highest self or authentic self.
It holds that people have the propensity to psychologically self-heal, just like we have the propensity to physically self-heal.
It doesn’t rely on the therapist being the attachment object of the client and thus, is less burdensome to the therapist.
In the case of IFS therapy for trauma, it doesn’t require the client to go back in vivid detail into their old traumatic memories but instead, helps “unburden” the wounded part that is stuck because of the trauma.
It holds that people are inherently good, not bad, and that extreme behaviors are a result of parts being stuck in extreme roles, thus being a profoundly de-stigmatizing and non-pathologizing model. This is a big one for me.
The process of IFS therapy generally includes the following steps:
Teaching the client about types of parts: we have “protectors” and “exiles.”
Helping the client identify which part or parts are coming up. This starting point can often be a part that is activated because of something that happened recently, like a fight with one’s partner or facing rejection. This is called a “trailhead.”
Helping the client “unblend” from their parts. This, in itself, is often a very powerful intervention that leads to clients feeling less shame and thus more openness and curiosity.
Helping the client find, focus on, flesh out, feel toward, and befriend their parts. This also includes getting to know more about the fears that a part holds. By befriending a protector part, it tends to soften and step back, which in some cases, leads to accessing the “exile” or wounded part.
Working with the “exile” part to help it “unburden,” go to a different part of the system, be relieved from its role, and returning to “wholeness.”
Beyond and in between IFS therapy sessions, the client is encouraged to continue checking in with their parts and repeating parts of this process on their own. As the work continues to unfold, the ultimate “goal” is to work toward greater integration and ultimately, “self-leadership.”
Working with an IFS therapist in San Francisco
As an IFS therapist in San Francisco, I can tell you that a large part of my training in the model has been receiving the therapy myself. In other words, working with my own “system.” I am beyond enthusiastic about this model, and have already seen it help many of my clients in profound and lasting ways. If you’re interested in trying IFS therapy, reach out for a free consultation today.